Train Hell Begins

I am unfortunate enough to have experienced the speed of the Hangzhou to Shanghai Bullet Train - it topped speeds of 354kmph. It was amazing, taking just an hour forty minutes in a high tech, none smelly, spacious, comfortable environment. Yet, parts of China are still classed as part of the third world and yet they have a super fast rail network that they have invested in which nocks britain into the third world in train transportation.

I am making this point this morning as I am about to make the slow and painful journey back to Leeds via a London weekend. I am dreading it because it took me eight hours to get from Wakefield to the Isle of Wight last Friday and everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. From the rails being too hot from the 22c heat of the day, to changing trains because the air conditioning didn't work - only to change to an ice box carriage in the new train. Yes the whole journey was one long nightmare.

I wish Mr Branson would hurry up and take over the british rail network and rip up all the rail tracks to install the superior rail network we deserve at a price that is justified and not daylight robbery as my journey was the over day. I know I am ranting again.

Well wish me luck, I am better prepared this time, at least I have magazines to read. I was expecting to use my laptop to do some research on the train but oh no - that would mean that the free wifi would have to bloody work.

Thanks for tuning in

Stan xx

I told you so.......

When I was living in Camden I mentioned in my blog that someone was letting themselves in my front door. I used to go home and the barrel locks would be turned open and yet in the morning I would leave and turn the locks shut. I know you all thought I was mad - I had the locks changed, I used to text myself to prove to myself I had locked both locks and I had numerous crying bouts which my friends loved -sorry! Anyway, the door of suspicion that my landlord suggested that the locks maybe unlocking themselves has been removed.

I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that because now I know it must have been that the door was broken or the same was happening to the landlord for him to want to remove it. I hope someone was letting themselves in, scare them as much as it scared me - thats awful but that would be karma.

I have a really safe door now and I even have a neighbourhood watch - bloody brilliant. Death to the green door and hello to a safe secure new home! Peace of mind.

Thanks for tuning in - I just needed to let you know I wasn't going mad!

Stan x

Are you too old for your car?

I am due to leave New Look & start at Republic. This means I have to say goodbye to my 1 series BMW which has been my trusty companion for the last nine months, it is in fact my baby! Well anyway, it means I am now in search of a new car and after a conversation I had with a guy I met last weekend I am also in search of my age identity. I know what you are thinking! Here comes the rant! You're right, I apologise now, so let's begin!

I was chatting to this guy and the topic of cars was brought up! By me - wanting to get some guidance on the search and lads love a bit of a car don't they so I thought I would have a flirt & gleam some top tips.... Well, he asked me which car I was looking at going for, to which he said this to my reply

"You don't want to be going that fast at your age" to which I retorted "why" to which he replied "your reflex's are slowing down and you need to take things slower!" My reflex action should have kicked him in the shins, the cheeky bugger!

I know I am 38 and still act like a big kid but I only said I fancied an Audi TT or a Nissan 350 - not a soft top porsche or a TVR or something mental like that. I was gobsmacked, I didn't know what to say to him so I changed the subject - that old chestnut! It's really handy being as random as I am sometimes.

I don't understand, does he think I should be driving a Volvo with the invisable kids I've got and the non - exsistent dog. I haven't found my Mr Right so I have refused to conform to the age concerns of 2.4 children, owning a house and buying a dog! Why should I drive a five door people carrier because my age statistic says at my age that car should accommodate my needs..... I have the need to speed - away from that pre judging 35 year old like him. Bugger off - I am going to get my fast car so in your face! I know I am not very mature really am I - I will grow up one day but not just yet.

Thanks for tuning in, discuss

Stan xx

Neighbours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why? Why would you purposely ignore your new neighbour? Why would you step back in the house if you saw your neighbour getting into their car? Why would you go into your house and lock the doors while your neighbour was in their own garden? Why would you say hello across your neighbour to another neighbour and purposely blank your neighbour?

Yes! You're damn right it is bothering me! My bloody next door neighbour was enjoying her garden until I came home and started watering my plants in my garden. I heard her say to her sister as they parted "I'm going to go in now and lock my doors" - random....... is it because she thinks I am a scouser? I wasn't even talking - I could understand if I was laughing and joking on my phone, that would piss her off - I can be annoying and I know this but I was minding my own business queitly (I know)- obviously earwigging a little, I just want to try and understand why she doesn't like me! She hasn't even given me a chance.

My first encounter with her was when I was chatting to my nice neighbour on the opposite side, both myself and my nice neighbour turned to aloof neighbour and said hello - but she snidely said hello back using my neighbours name and totally snubbed me! I was gobsmacked - what had I done. My nice neighbour told me she was shocked too, as that was the first time in 24 years she had ever heard her use her name - indeed, she never talks to her either........ turns out me moving in has made my nice neighbour very much more popular. Brilliant - popular by default.

The second encounter was the other morning I decided to paint my nails in the car before I went to the gym - don't ask! far too much time on my hands to do random things at the moment. Anyway, she came out to get into her car and then swiftly turned round as soon as she saw me - weird! I know you might say I'm weird painting my nails in the car but it's not like I could have jump out to talk to her while mid paint! What is she so scared of? Is she scared of the scouse accent?

I don't understand it? All my other neighbour's are lovely and yet I cannot get my head round this one who is completely allergic to me! Please discuss - Why is this bothering me - why do I give a fook about this miserable character who I actually feel a bit sorry for? Shall I kill her with kindness and ply her with a case of wine until she realises I am not going to rob her house or steal her wheels off her car. Or should I just do what she thinks I am going to do - throw a bloody big party and piss her off! Please help!

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan

P.S. Big party to that effect being planned for August bank holiday weekend - she will either love me or hate me! I will keep you posted x

Life Envy!

Rosie has the best accessories - Jason Statham is the hottest accessory, I mean look at him - he is a real man and a half........ got extreme life envy. Seriously, the girl has got it all, brilliant boots, hats and dresses and then she is always accompanied by Jason. I think the scale of fairness in this world is totally favouring her opposed to me. Why!

I might have to go and buy the boots, hat and dress to cheer myself up as I am failing in finding the perfect boy accessory.

I have been on three dates - with a stripper - less said best mended...... I didn't know he was a stripper - he said he was a journalist - lying! I then went on a date and had a nose bleed - none starter...... no chemistry. Then last night I spent my time flirting with a gorgeous geordie guy - who was hot but only noticed me when I was being chatted up by someone else. Men say women are fickle - this guy was playing far too many games - flirting then diverting....... hate that!

Anyway, the guy I ended the night with was the quiet one who was a dark horse, he turned out to be a real contender and now he is not answering my texts and he was lovely and funny. Bugger!

The moral to the story is accessory shopping is much easier than finding a man - I should stick to what I know best. I am sure love is out there somewhere for me.

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan xx

Nose Bleed Central

Omg! Yesterday was very random. I went to the gym, as I have been for like three weeks solidly and as I was running I took a deep breath in and wham my nose exploded all over the treadmill as I breathed out - can you imagine my surprise! There was blood spattered everywhere it was so embarrassing. I had to get off the treadmill and run to the changing room. It took ages for it to stop - I then went back upstairs to where I had been training to wash down the treadmill and got a lecture from the woman next to me - she thought I was getting back on it - I am not that mad!

So nose bleed event over I go to Asda and yet again, within half an hour I am asking where the avocado's are and my nose erupts again - why? Why would that happen? I have never taken anything up my nose - I can only imagine pain and I don't do that, so why was my nose exploding like Kerry Katona in Asda - felt like a basket case............. got some complimentary tissues from them though ha ha!

Embarassing events over I survive the rest of the day and only worry 5% about my state of health which is not bad for me. Oh yes been on google and self diagonosed only the once.

Well, I mentioned in my last blog I am dating and so with the offer on the table to go for a drink I get dressed and go out(that's also another story) - only to get to the bar with the new guy and as you can only pre-empt my bloody nose erupts again ........ fortunately I had already told this guy it had happened to me twice already today so it wasn't a shock to him, but to the rest of the pub everyone just looked at me as if I was Kerry Katona's druggie mate. It was horrendous! I hurried off to the toilets and sustained the bleed and returned to my date by which time there was a gang of yorkshire blokes sat with my date offering me tissues and dates - bad! Think I am going to leave the treadmill for today and the dating for a very long time. ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My life is mad! Discuss nose bleeds! Why the fook do they happen? Stress has already been eliminated - I am on garden leave, stress free! Plus, I eat stress for breakfast and I have never had nose bleeds.................

Thanks for tuning in

Stan xx

It is what it is!

Sorry I have not been very attentive to my blogging lately i have been busy home making and have been a bit quiet, nothing to report so far until this week when I decided to kick start my love life back into action - prompted by my 76 year old next door neighbour telling me to get on tineternet to find love..... that's where she found her Bill.

So, I updated my profile with some photo's, hate all that and did some spiel! Then to my surprise I got a lot of messages, as you do. I whittled it down to 3 and made contact - 1st was boring so that ended, 2nd think he could tell I wasn't just going to put out for him so that ended and the 3rd one showed promise. We arranged to meet at a pub near me, very considerate since I am new to the area - he would drive over and it was all good. That was until the day of the date and he must have been very excited because he sent me a picture of his morning glory! at 6.am. I didn't know what to say or do - so I sent it to the girls for their advice - well if you put it out there what do you expect! We had a laugh throughout the day and needless to say I didn't entertain him with a night out of stanners fun.

So tinternet dating is what it is - plenty of fish - should be called plenty of sex! Beware!

Will let you know how the dating goes....

Thanks for tuning in Stan xxx