A Broken Lady! x

I have had one of the best weekends in my life with my mum, sister, niece Erica and Nephew Archie. However, the whole weekend has broken me, emotionally, physically and mentally.

It has been none stop. 6am ish starts, if you know me - not a good look at all. Full on breakfasts, playing in garden by 7 am ish, Visiting friends, tourist attractions, shopping for yet more shoes for Erica( girl after my own heart), parks, beer gardens that substitute as parks - bonus!, more cooking than you can shake a stick at, tantrums, cuddles, banter, wine, wine and even more wine, cake and last but not least the dreaded cold and sore throat that has now left me a broken woman on a sofa.

I am completely shattered! The cold has set in - I have a husky voice(the only bonus to this whole event), heavy eyes, razor blades in the throat, a hot streaming runny nose, emotional wreck and the occassional sneeze - not even enjoying them - normally enjoy a sneeze! Too much information.

These kids have destroyed me, Erica has cracked me up with her continuous comedy delivery which I have been streaming live all weekend on Facebook. Then when she caught me crying, because I am tired, grumpy, minus a personality and not well alright! I told her it was because she would be going home later and she said - "I know Aunty Sarah, but I didn't cry when my daddy went back to Hong Kong, I wanted to but I didn't". Broken! by a four year old who has out performed me in the farewell stakes - bloody brilliant. She has truly broken my heart this weekend because she is a real joy to be around and I am going to miss her. I am upset with myself for being ill & grumpy on their last day here with me and yet I am not grumpy with the culprits who have dribbled and snot boxed on me all weekend. It's probably made me love them even more - it doesn't even bother me that Archie even took the kids to the pool on my decking in the garden - cheeky chimp!

From this weekend I will miss Archie's beep beep beeping as we reversed the car, Erica's stroppy tantrums (not) for yet another pair of shoes (10th and counting), Laura's constant flow of banter, Mum's cuddles with the kids and little quiet moments with them on the sofa, Archie's outburst's of the words, boobie's, ratbag and newly introduced Chopper (yes - refering to his willy), Erica's sincerity - however hurtful "aunty sarah - your singing is boring - my guilty pleasure in this world by the way Erica! and the countless toys that littered my designer pad! You have all destroyed my perfect little world of me and my bachelorette pad. I was very happy on my own, then you lot made it happier and now you have buggered off and left me - well screw you! Only joking! Come back whenever you want - to take away, my health, wealth, tidiness, sleep and heart, you have all been brilliant this weekend and although broken, I am fixed in the love department, banked this weekend in the bank of notes to self - I am truly blessed. I have another niece and nephew too who equally crack me up - must get a love fix with them soon.

Thanks for tuning in to what has probably been one of the most emotional blogs of late! Who breaks you but fixes you at the same time? Discuss?

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan xx

From London to Shaky Wakey! And the differences are....

The differences are......... the plebes of the community in shakey wakey have the audicity to say out loud! "what's she come as?" while I was clearly in ear shot. The muppets looked like special needs casualties who were critisizing my flirty floral dress and tan boots and get out of bed hair. This particular fashion guru was no Gok Whan he was more a Jeremy Kyle reject off a council estate who was wearing a tracksuit I think - I couldn't be arsed to have a look. I don't want to sound like a snobby bore but I dealt with this shit when I was a frustrated child living on a council estate, thinking I had just jumped out of a vogue edition, I loved mixing it up. However, today I wasn't particularly out there in the fashion stakes so just don't get how small minded to clothes some buggers are. Hilarious, got straight on the phone to bessies to laugh about my rude encounter and make good on something that used to upset me. What was bizarre, was my attire got picked up on and yet the local lesbians smooching in the queue while waiting to pay, gets zero attention! How random is that?

I have spent a few weekends away and this weekend I spent my time with one of my northern bessies, Rox at my gorgeous home. We had a lot of fun until, Amy Winehouse decided to leave the building and we had to break the mood by going to the local pub. We further tasted the shakey wakey experience by mixing with the locals - playing mixed doubles in a game of pool. This was amiusing until the control freak little man syndrome boy who I had buddied up with, found it completely out of order of me to have lost our second game. I really felt the cold breeze, the bugger never spoke to me after that, I think he could barely look at me, my actions had offended him so much. To relieve the tension Rox went to the bar, only to come back unsatisfied as her favourite drink, Sambuca was not on offer. Her request was greeted with this "this is not one of those posh pubs, love!", you cannot imagine her surprise. In our quest to satisfy our need to find a drink other than wine, we sent a message out to facebook asking our friends for alternatives. One bright spark asked for a Jaaeger bomb to which my hysterical friend replied - she feared we would be evacuated from the building if we requested such a drink. Locals told us that Horbury is the place to be and you can even get "sex on the beach" (the drink) there. Next stop Leeds, Leeds, Leeds for a birthday weekend celebration. Muchos funos! to be had.

Thanks for tuning in. Sorry been a gap in the communicado - my mum's dog broke my lead for the laptop and I gave my other lead to my work colleague. Found one - and now boring myself so going to wind this up now...... sorry!

S x

Back to work............ x

My new job starts tomorrow and I am suitably, nervous, excited, happy and all at the same time gutted that my gardening leave is over. I have done all the things that you do when you go back to school, backed my bag, organised my outfit and put some tuck for the train journey in my bag.

Yes, you heard right - train. Not buzzing up the motorway to the sounds of Chris Moyles on a Monday morning. No! I moved to Leeds to escape London Town only to be sent there on my first two days! Ha ha! Twist of fate. Maybe I am meant to be in London, even staying at my previous bosses house - she is one of my bessies. I am happy to be going there really, should be fun.

Was looking forward to getting into some sort of routine but there is no chance this week. Having a fun day on the third day at the Yorkshire Sculpture Park (Random), in the office on the fourth day and then off on holiday on the fifth day. For a first week in a new job I am looking forward to this! The holiday was booked before the gardening leave, not the biggest piss taker in the world, just unlucky really! ooops x

Will keep you informed.... thanks for tuning in.

Stan

Stanners blunder!

Getting excited as a little holiday I have got planned is coming up next weekend and I received my confirmation of my flight today. Only to find out that I am booked on the wrong flight from everyone else, so I am the only soft one who is arriving at Heathrow at 5am for a 7am flight & every bugger else is on the later much more reasonable flight at 10am. My friend called me a dufus today which made me laugh because I hadn't heard that word since watching 'something about mary' & sad because I think there is a degree of truth in her observation.

I constantly surprise myself when I think I am all organised, sometimes I am! honestly, it frightens the fook out of me. I thought to myself - brilliant I have booked my flight, it was so long ago I was starting to wonder whether I had done it or not. On confirmation, I thought to myself now I can liaise with the girlies on how we are getting to Heathrow etc, only to find that I am booked on the earlier flight on my own....... genius.

I am now panicking because I am sure I said I could get us a tent as we are all camping and I haven't done that either. Oops! Oh! never mind I am going to win the euro millions lottery tonight so we can all stay in a luxury hotel instead.

In case I don't win and the chances of that happening are slim - I can feel the winning streak in my bones, if anyone has a three or four man tent - the extra space would be good for a wardrobe space..... I would love to borrow it. I would take great care of it too.

Many thanks for tuning in and wish me luck for the lottery and actually getting away at all next weekend.

Stan xx

Every Cloud and all that! x

Driving home today I saw an amazing cloud formation - not as good as the image of the horse but it did have a silver lining. It reminded me how lucky I am. I need to be reminded all the time because I punish myself by working too hard to achieve the things I want in my life and once I have them I am too busy striving for the next thing instead of enjoying what I have just accomplished. I also get bogged down with little worries about unnecessary things, that in the grand scheme of things mean nothing. I know I am a big divvy - you wouldn't think I got a first in my degree....... first in being my own worst enermy!

My silver lining came to me today in the guise of my realisation that although I am skintos through all the expense of moving and buying cars, I have a clean bill of health and although I get lonely sometimes I know that I am in the perfect position to meet someone now and be happy so it is only time. Also, want to be at Glastonbury having a great time but know I will get my festival time at Bestival and hopefully the weather will be better, no guarantees there but muchos funos in the wellies.

I spoke to a gorgeous friend of mine yesterday and I was panicking about paying out all sorts of bills. She simply realigned my priorities when she told me what was going on in her life. We really take the things we have for granted, don't we?!

Tomorrow, I am going to be grateful for all the things I have got and I am going to smile all day because I am bloody lucky! Just needed to share that with you. Going to say a little prayer now for my friend that her silver lining will come to her one day soon after her poorly time. What's your silver lining - discuss.................

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan x

Awkward Silence

If you know me - you will know I don't really stumble with making conversation but for some reason I am having trouble when I go to the gym. I don't think I know what to say to people half dressed, that might be key!

I have made one new friend he is a tubby old short guy who will chat the hind leg off a donkey - don't know why we use that saying, answers on a postcard please if you know. Today, he was telling me about sending his son out into the field to shot a sheep that had a ciest, as if that wasn't gruesome enough, he then told his son to take a knife with him. This was to cut it's belly open to see if it had been carrying a lamb - I'm not shitting you, this was the topic of conversation in my steam room! I couldn't make this shit up i t was bizarre. Anyway, the sheep was carrying a lamb so there was a happy ending to his tale.

Am I better off not talking to the people in my gym. They all seem really nice and this guy is really lovely but his topic of conversation is so far removed from the usual which is great but a bit abstract. It's definately making me more aware that I now live up north. He has been nursing this lamb and his dog has fostered it. His other topic of conversation is that he is bloody loaded and he made his money in scrap! He is harmless, really funny and assures me he could show me a good night out in Leeds but and call me shallow....... not attractive, even if he is loaded.

Anyway, once I am left alone in the steam room and new people come in, I find I cannot talk to them unless they initiate it. I can't do uncomfortable silences either. I love the steam room though even if it does prove to be difficult for me. At least they can't see how red my face is in there, so no - one talks about that. I bet they do talk about my redness though when I come out of the steam room with a beetroot coloured face ha ha! I think I have issues with my gym - wonder if it is because I am not used to being this good to myself and chilling out or is it that I have issues with silence. Think I have just been on my own for too long now...... need some banter but think I would like to choice a nicer subject other than killing poorly animals and cutting unborn ones out of its poor unfortunate belly - sorry to share this with you, feel it is only fair! What would you do in my situation, discuss!

Thanks for tuning in

Stan xx

Red Faced!& bloody embarrassing!

Look at this girls face - now times the redness by five and you might start to see why I am getting a little bit embarrassed at the gym. I have been on gardening leave for some time now for those who haven't heard - sorry! It's coming to end at the end of this week you'll all be relieved to hear.

However, in my time off I have been going to the gym on a regular basis. I do 4k run in 20 mins, best yet! 2000 metres on the rowing machine in 10 minutes and then I do weights for my chest and arms, then I go to the pool where on a daily basis I get a gran or some random dude saying to me, wow you have been working out! You look so red............ bloody no shit sherlock. Gutted, today I was asked if I had been to cycle fit because I looked so red. It's not funny - stood in my bikini with body colour looking normal and my face looking like a belisha beacon.

I read up on this unfortunate affliction but apparently it is all good because it is the good oxygenated blood rushing to the face and releasing toxins. I must have a lot of bloody bad toxins or just a load of good blood. Anyway, I am looking a lot healthier these days and I just thought it was the country air - damn you oxygenated blood. Wonder if I cleanse more regularly I wouldn't have as many toxins to clear out ha ha!

So what do I do to reduce this redness nonsense - exercise less........ not an option! I am enjoying it too much now. I must add, that yes all exercise arouses the oxygenated blood and can leave me red faced in the bedroom too! Too much information but if it doesn't, that's a very bad sign ha ha! Embarrassing - I know. I am fooked basically really aren't , it's not a good look and please don't tell me it is a healthy glow - I look ridiculous!

Please help me with some witty responses for these very honest but very annoying people who keep stating the obvious and letting me know that I have got a face the shade of a pommegranite. "I bloody know!"- just isn't that polite and "10/10 for observation sherlock" doesn't work either.

Thanks for tuning in, discuss...........

Stan x