I blame my thyroid!........

I have a thyroid problem - it is under active - which is not very helpful to my happiness! I would say that 99% of my life hiccups are down to my broken thyroid, I empathise with you if you have a similar problem. The symptoms of an under active thyroid are as follows - You can get very hormental, your energy levels can drop dramatically - I can fall asleep anywhere, you gain weight, you have a low tolerance to cold temperatures, you can get numbness in you hands and you can be quite forgetful. My thyroid has hampered my love life, my waistline, my memory and my energy. I have suffered for years with this affliction but I was only diagnosed eight years ago. It's a pain because it ultimately costs me a fortune.

Today, I have travelled back from my friends house in Manchester only to realise I have left my research file for my India trip there and I am off to India on Monday - going to have to drive back and retrieve it - what a doughnut! This little mishap has become the norm with me, it used to really upset me when I didn't know why I was so painfully forgetful. I have played some blinders, on my holiday to Honkers Konkers for New Year I left my work laptop on the plane, it was never found and as it was a works laptop, I lost all my work, it wasn't insured as it was on lease and I was not very popular as a result. You can see how it damages my relationships, but I am really lucky to have great friends - I am always forgiven and they realise it is because I am a bit broken.

I have damaged relationships, when hormental, tired and grumpy I am not the easiest person to be around. Zoe one of my bessie's knows this, I have displayed my ugly side in the form of crying on the grass because I was too cold and tired, needed sleep - like a child! Bless her, it is a wonder she still speaks to me. Barbara has also experienced the nuts Sarah on numerous occasions - used to call her on a daily basis when I was in that awful flat in London and had Camden rat people banging on my windows asking for sugar, couldn't get out of the flat one morning because the door had swollen due to the damp and she once nearly went blue in the face with me because I was adamant it was all about black and white for Xmas that season. It's funny now when you look at what stresses me out - it's never that important but when I am not well I cannot cope with the hiccups of life. When well I am a fountain and can just assume that all will come good in the end.

My mum and my friends can generally tell if my levels are not right. If I am being a bit hormental my mum can hear it in my voice and will say - "have you taken your tablets today?", I then either snap at her as if to say what do mean by that (yes hormental) or I have to explain that I have ran out because I have forgotten to go to the doctors or that I have just forgotten to take them. My thyroid tablets act like a weight on a pair of scales - when I am on the right level and taking them daily I am quite balanced with just a few hiccups of forgetfulness, however, without the right level of medication I am totally irrational, tired, grumpy, cold & challenging to say the least! I really do have to make sure I take my medicine or it is only fair that my friends and family are in their full rights to tell me off.

If you ever have any of these symptoms please go and see your doctor - marriages and friendships are at stake - no-one should have to live with someone who has gained weight, can cry over nothing and forgets to look after themselves and their possessions.

I am the happiest I have ever been at the moment even though I have no phone - lost that last week, I have no boyfriend but I have my friends and freedom, I have no money but I have a gorgeous home and car. See the thyroid is working - when the chips are down if it is working I can cope and I am happy bunny - if it broken I am miserable fooker. I apologise to all of you who love me even when the thyroid is broken - you are true friends.

Thank you for tuning in........ have you any tricky ailments - discuss!

Stan x

My X Factor Audition in Manchester!

It's that time again - X factor is soon upon us and a new frenzy of excitement around the desks at work on a Monday morning will follow in hot pursuit. We will be discussing who we like, who we think is hot, whose hair we want to copy, what dresses the judges were wearing, why Louis is the only survivor! etc, etc.........

This year, I will not be putting myself up for an audition - I have been there and done that. I was working at Marks & Spencer on a placement at the time - it must be nearly ten years again - shitola time is passing by so fast! Anyway, I had designed a gold sequin dress and was very proud of it and Barbara my boss at the time allowed me to wear it for the audition. So all proud of my big bad designing self I caught a flight to Manchester from London. Laura my sister met me in the pissing rain - drove me to the Man Utd's Old Trafford and left me there in the pissing rain for 10 hours - she drove off pissing herself. We were lead in to endless lines for our turn on the biggest karoke session minus the karoke machine. I queued to see a judge who wasn't Simon or Louis, they were nowhere in sight. There was thousands of us, my number was something like 56,347. I sang in front of a half full stadium of people and although I had been building a rapport with my singing coach on the way along the line...... she then went on a tea break - bugger! Then I got a cold fish guy who made me sing two verses and a chorus twice to Stop by Sam Brown - bearing in mind that most people were given two minutes, he left me singing and then didn't even take me through - what a tease. My little heart was racing, my knees were knocking and my voice was swolled by the vast stadium - I was gutted, I had been going on about how I wanted to win and how I was going to dress up in my gold dress and look the mut's nuts! I instead stood rusting - freezing in nothing but the gold sequin dress that hadn't even hit the shelves yet. Joe public looked at me as if I had come off the disco bus and not found the party - most people had their tracksuits on - back in the day it was not the way to go!

Well I succeeded on one front, my gold dress made a million pounds worth of publicity and I know that in my heart that's where I am supposed to be - designing! I really love a karoke session though! When singing my heart out I do feel like the cat who got the cream. Planning a karoke birthday weekend whoop whoop! Can't wait for the bessie's to arrive in Leeds, Leeds, Leeds!

Top of my list is Black velvet, Stop and Fallin' after that it all gets a bit messy! Any suggestions of new songs - get in touch. Think I could do with some new material! Looking forward to it.

Thanks for reading about my little X factor experience - have you any unfulfilled ambitions? Discuss!

Stan x

Are you a drip? - A new contender!

My sister who for the record I love - has thrown a spanner in the works for our fountain and drain theory. She has said she is a drip - which I am not having.

A drip - is someone whose personality is wet. To be a drip would be annoying because there is a constant worry, a noise in the back of your mind, a constant reminder that you need to fix something.

My sister does not realise that she is in fact a fountain because I never tire of her, she constantly makes me laugh, she's brilliant and only drains ever upset her. She is always positive and really happy and I love her. Oh! She always laughs at me for having all these theories of how to have a happy outlook on life too.... that's because she has it all and just doesn't even realise it. If Jim'll Fix could grant you a happy adulthood she would get the badge, she has the drinkers degree from the best university with loads of lovely friends and a boyf who became her husband and best buddie. She lives in Honkers Konkers in her second home and she has a beautiful family who have the best sense of fun ever. No way is she a drip - she is the best type of fountain. So if you are needing a fountain go to our Laura - she is ace!

I am very lucky to have lots of fountains around me - my gorgeous friend Tilde said I was her sunshine and her rain - what an acolade - Tilde you are a waterfall to me. Going forward that's all that counts now - friendship and a bit of love - Done! Any drains with their own agenda to interupt my happy fountain outlook need not apply.

Thanks for tuning in - Something mad will happen soon I guarantee and then I will write about something other than drips, drains, fountains and waterfalls.

Stan x

Are you a fountain or drain?

There are two types of people in this world, a drain or a fountain! My friend Claire passed on this little spark of genius! which now I swear by. It is true! and by spreading the love hopefully this little insight may help you. Here are the two types broken down...

A Fountain - Is a person who is a breath of fresh air to be with, you always want to be around a fountain and you never tire of them. They compliment you, boost your confidence, support your decisions - right or wrong, care for you, constantly giving - emotionally, physically etc., share with you and generally bring you happiness, whereas

A Drain - Is a person who zaps your energy with their negativity, never helps, always causes a fuss, upsets the chicken coop, never gives, always needs your help, never takes responsibility for their own happiness relies on other people to deliver this to them. Could go on but don't want to and think you've probably got the picture by now.

To be a fountain you have to work at it but being positive and being around other fountains brings you alot of happiness - its bloody lovely. Find your fountains and drop off your drains one by one and you will soon have a happier life. I realise that not everyone can be a fountain but if you live your life by example - like attracts like. You might even convert a few drains.

Good luck finding you fountains and good for you if you have them already.

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan x

P.s. THANK YOU MY FOUNTAINS - You know who you are xxxx

The common cold!........ it's a fooking nightmare! x

See this image - a hottie with a cold! NOOOOOOOOOOO! There is no glamour in the common cold. I sneezed today and I swear to god my entire nose erupted onto my chest and not in a good way! I am less than three months into my new job and this could be seen as a sackable offence.

The cold has set in and it is here to stay for the foreseeable. Yesterday was the grumpy tired day. Today was the tired day & less grumpy day and all I have managed to do is make dinner and drink wine since I got home this evening - it is medicinal and I have a cold not man flu! ha ha! you boys know how you milk an illness. I don't mean to piss on your strawberries boys but I am here on my own and I have no one to moan to personally so I am just sending my grumpiness out to the universe, hoping that the universe will get tired of me and either send me Tom Hanks with some daisies as in the film"You've got Mail" or George Clooney with a gold fish as the film "One fine Day" - neither will make me better but I'm not fussy - universe send me either they will do.

I am a bit away with the fairies tonight - don't go there! I know you all think I am away with the planets most of the time but this cold has adled my brain cells - not even going to attempt to correct spelling mistakes tonight. Sorry! It's time's like this that you wish your mum was here so that she could bring you wine - oops medicine and then you could put your feet under her bum to keep warm - weird but warm - let's face it. It's times like this that you wish it was a Saturday tomorrow so you didn't have to haul your poorly carcass out of bed and try to fluff your way through work with a half snot - half functioning brain. It's also time like this that you wish you had a significant other who would just say to you, poor you, do you want another lemsip, do you want a cuddle, do you want me to run you a bath - do you know what I don't care that I might catch your cold - just want to kiss you better! Oh! it's naff being a distant relative of Bridget Jones! Just waiting for the alastian to come and eat me! Only joking - off to bed now to mend my poorly body! Let's hope for your sake I get better soon - boring myself here with this pathetic drivel.

Love you all for tuning in - thank you, feeling better already!

Top tips for curing the common cold - send on a postcard and I will forward to Squibb immediately and see you in a caribbean island near you soon.

Stan x

A Broken Lady! x

I have had one of the best weekends in my life with my mum, sister, niece Erica and Nephew Archie. However, the whole weekend has broken me, emotionally, physically and mentally.

It has been none stop. 6am ish starts, if you know me - not a good look at all. Full on breakfasts, playing in garden by 7 am ish, Visiting friends, tourist attractions, shopping for yet more shoes for Erica( girl after my own heart), parks, beer gardens that substitute as parks - bonus!, more cooking than you can shake a stick at, tantrums, cuddles, banter, wine, wine and even more wine, cake and last but not least the dreaded cold and sore throat that has now left me a broken woman on a sofa.

I am completely shattered! The cold has set in - I have a husky voice(the only bonus to this whole event), heavy eyes, razor blades in the throat, a hot streaming runny nose, emotional wreck and the occassional sneeze - not even enjoying them - normally enjoy a sneeze! Too much information.

These kids have destroyed me, Erica has cracked me up with her continuous comedy delivery which I have been streaming live all weekend on Facebook. Then when she caught me crying, because I am tired, grumpy, minus a personality and not well alright! I told her it was because she would be going home later and she said - "I know Aunty Sarah, but I didn't cry when my daddy went back to Hong Kong, I wanted to but I didn't". Broken! by a four year old who has out performed me in the farewell stakes - bloody brilliant. She has truly broken my heart this weekend because she is a real joy to be around and I am going to miss her. I am upset with myself for being ill & grumpy on their last day here with me and yet I am not grumpy with the culprits who have dribbled and snot boxed on me all weekend. It's probably made me love them even more - it doesn't even bother me that Archie even took the kids to the pool on my decking in the garden - cheeky chimp!

From this weekend I will miss Archie's beep beep beeping as we reversed the car, Erica's stroppy tantrums (not) for yet another pair of shoes (10th and counting), Laura's constant flow of banter, Mum's cuddles with the kids and little quiet moments with them on the sofa, Archie's outburst's of the words, boobie's, ratbag and newly introduced Chopper (yes - refering to his willy), Erica's sincerity - however hurtful "aunty sarah - your singing is boring - my guilty pleasure in this world by the way Erica! and the countless toys that littered my designer pad! You have all destroyed my perfect little world of me and my bachelorette pad. I was very happy on my own, then you lot made it happier and now you have buggered off and left me - well screw you! Only joking! Come back whenever you want - to take away, my health, wealth, tidiness, sleep and heart, you have all been brilliant this weekend and although broken, I am fixed in the love department, banked this weekend in the bank of notes to self - I am truly blessed. I have another niece and nephew too who equally crack me up - must get a love fix with them soon.

Thanks for tuning in to what has probably been one of the most emotional blogs of late! Who breaks you but fixes you at the same time? Discuss?

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan xx

From London to Shaky Wakey! And the differences are....

The differences are......... the plebes of the community in shakey wakey have the audicity to say out loud! "what's she come as?" while I was clearly in ear shot. The muppets looked like special needs casualties who were critisizing my flirty floral dress and tan boots and get out of bed hair. This particular fashion guru was no Gok Whan he was more a Jeremy Kyle reject off a council estate who was wearing a tracksuit I think - I couldn't be arsed to have a look. I don't want to sound like a snobby bore but I dealt with this shit when I was a frustrated child living on a council estate, thinking I had just jumped out of a vogue edition, I loved mixing it up. However, today I wasn't particularly out there in the fashion stakes so just don't get how small minded to clothes some buggers are. Hilarious, got straight on the phone to bessies to laugh about my rude encounter and make good on something that used to upset me. What was bizarre, was my attire got picked up on and yet the local lesbians smooching in the queue while waiting to pay, gets zero attention! How random is that?

I have spent a few weekends away and this weekend I spent my time with one of my northern bessies, Rox at my gorgeous home. We had a lot of fun until, Amy Winehouse decided to leave the building and we had to break the mood by going to the local pub. We further tasted the shakey wakey experience by mixing with the locals - playing mixed doubles in a game of pool. This was amiusing until the control freak little man syndrome boy who I had buddied up with, found it completely out of order of me to have lost our second game. I really felt the cold breeze, the bugger never spoke to me after that, I think he could barely look at me, my actions had offended him so much. To relieve the tension Rox went to the bar, only to come back unsatisfied as her favourite drink, Sambuca was not on offer. Her request was greeted with this "this is not one of those posh pubs, love!", you cannot imagine her surprise. In our quest to satisfy our need to find a drink other than wine, we sent a message out to facebook asking our friends for alternatives. One bright spark asked for a Jaaeger bomb to which my hysterical friend replied - she feared we would be evacuated from the building if we requested such a drink. Locals told us that Horbury is the place to be and you can even get "sex on the beach" (the drink) there. Next stop Leeds, Leeds, Leeds for a birthday weekend celebration. Muchos funos! to be had.

Thanks for tuning in. Sorry been a gap in the communicado - my mum's dog broke my lead for the laptop and I gave my other lead to my work colleague. Found one - and now boring myself so going to wind this up now...... sorry!

S x