Life Envy!

Rosie has the best accessories - Jason Statham is the hottest accessory, I mean look at him - he is a real man and a half........ got extreme life envy. Seriously, the girl has got it all, brilliant boots, hats and dresses and then she is always accompanied by Jason. I think the scale of fairness in this world is totally favouring her opposed to me. Why!

I might have to go and buy the boots, hat and dress to cheer myself up as I am failing in finding the perfect boy accessory.

I have been on three dates - with a stripper - less said best mended...... I didn't know he was a stripper - he said he was a journalist - lying! I then went on a date and had a nose bleed - none starter...... no chemistry. Then last night I spent my time flirting with a gorgeous geordie guy - who was hot but only noticed me when I was being chatted up by someone else. Men say women are fickle - this guy was playing far too many games - flirting then diverting....... hate that!

Anyway, the guy I ended the night with was the quiet one who was a dark horse, he turned out to be a real contender and now he is not answering my texts and he was lovely and funny. Bugger!

The moral to the story is accessory shopping is much easier than finding a man - I should stick to what I know best. I am sure love is out there somewhere for me.

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan xx

Nose Bleed Central

Omg! Yesterday was very random. I went to the gym, as I have been for like three weeks solidly and as I was running I took a deep breath in and wham my nose exploded all over the treadmill as I breathed out - can you imagine my surprise! There was blood spattered everywhere it was so embarrassing. I had to get off the treadmill and run to the changing room. It took ages for it to stop - I then went back upstairs to where I had been training to wash down the treadmill and got a lecture from the woman next to me - she thought I was getting back on it - I am not that mad!

So nose bleed event over I go to Asda and yet again, within half an hour I am asking where the avocado's are and my nose erupts again - why? Why would that happen? I have never taken anything up my nose - I can only imagine pain and I don't do that, so why was my nose exploding like Kerry Katona in Asda - felt like a basket case............. got some complimentary tissues from them though ha ha!

Embarassing events over I survive the rest of the day and only worry 5% about my state of health which is not bad for me. Oh yes been on google and self diagonosed only the once.

Well, I mentioned in my last blog I am dating and so with the offer on the table to go for a drink I get dressed and go out(that's also another story) - only to get to the bar with the new guy and as you can only pre-empt my bloody nose erupts again ........ fortunately I had already told this guy it had happened to me twice already today so it wasn't a shock to him, but to the rest of the pub everyone just looked at me as if I was Kerry Katona's druggie mate. It was horrendous! I hurried off to the toilets and sustained the bleed and returned to my date by which time there was a gang of yorkshire blokes sat with my date offering me tissues and dates - bad! Think I am going to leave the treadmill for today and the dating for a very long time. ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My life is mad! Discuss nose bleeds! Why the fook do they happen? Stress has already been eliminated - I am on garden leave, stress free! Plus, I eat stress for breakfast and I have never had nose bleeds.................

Thanks for tuning in

Stan xx

It is what it is!

Sorry I have not been very attentive to my blogging lately i have been busy home making and have been a bit quiet, nothing to report so far until this week when I decided to kick start my love life back into action - prompted by my 76 year old next door neighbour telling me to get on tineternet to find love..... that's where she found her Bill.

So, I updated my profile with some photo's, hate all that and did some spiel! Then to my surprise I got a lot of messages, as you do. I whittled it down to 3 and made contact - 1st was boring so that ended, 2nd think he could tell I wasn't just going to put out for him so that ended and the 3rd one showed promise. We arranged to meet at a pub near me, very considerate since I am new to the area - he would drive over and it was all good. That was until the day of the date and he must have been very excited because he sent me a picture of his morning glory! at 6.am. I didn't know what to say or do - so I sent it to the girls for their advice - well if you put it out there what do you expect! We had a laugh throughout the day and needless to say I didn't entertain him with a night out of stanners fun.

So tinternet dating is what it is - plenty of fish - should be called plenty of sex! Beware!

Will let you know how the dating goes....

Thanks for tuning in Stan xxx

Let the fight begin!

For those of you who don't know, I am in dispute with a buyer over a wardrobe I sold on ebay. Can you believe they favoured the buyer on the wardrobe saga. So, the fight is on! I called paypal who are saying I need to pay the scammer her money back while she is still in pocession of the wardrobe...... so I told them and they have said if I sold the wardrobe undamaged and the damage has been done in transit it is the couriers fault and their insurance should cover it which is what I have been saying all along.

I have now contested the case and am currently watching this space to see whether justice prevails or there will be fisty cuffs! Discuss and say a little prayer that it all goes my way please!

Stan xx

Harrased by Hounds!

I've been harrassed by hounds today - twice!

First, I decided to keep up the running regime - been training for the last five days, this is commitment for me! This is progress, been paying the gym £35 a month and not used it and I bought a shit load of sessions at good vibes to go on shake your fat class - otherwise known as power plates - £350 down the swanney! I have been pathetic on the old fitness melarcy.

However, my run today attracted what I can only call random heckling from the local lads at the bus stop. I ignored them and pursued my run and hoped for the best that by the time I returned the bus would have come and they will have gone. I went a good twenty minutes further and returned only to find that the bus stop is the local hang out and not in use for waiting for the bus - such a fool. As I ran past this time other side of the road they had to shout louder and one of them shouted "uh! stiff nips" what a dirty dog! So I replied - thanks! to which I got a huge cheer! A pack of hounds! I was quietly pleased really though ha! ha! I thought wolf whistling was dead - god bless the true british male, they make us women feel alive.

So off I trotted to go home to brag! While in the garden stretching so I don't end up looking like a cripple tomorrow, my dog only decides that he wants to hound me too. Doing the downward dog - he only decides he wants to go under me as if I am a man made bridge. Harvey - my dog then decides he wants a cuddle and then he thinks - oh! salty, I might have to lick her arms........ so if I still have bingo wings - it's because I have been offically hounded. He is cute though!

So do you like to be wolf whistled, if so what are your top tips! Discuss

Stan x

Nana's gone ebay bonkers

Well, I did it to myself! I stitched myself up... I bragged to my Nana about my capabilities on ebay - she was not only impressed - she honoured me with the task of selling her vinyl record collection ofa all 235 of them - yes she has counted them all and is currently dividing them into genres. She has a variety from The Rolling Stones being one the best along with Morecombe and Wise Bring Me Sunshine to Jim Reeves and someone called Deanne Durhim - who the hell is she!

What have I done?......... my mum wants me to sell her tv stand and my nan is also saying she has a load of betamax tapes - I have opened a right old can of worms - I think the term is BUGGER! Methinks, I need help saying NO! It seems to be out of my vocabularly. I have problems with the word no and no problem saying Yes!

I am losing the battle to use my garden leave for anything other my mum's and nana's whims. Thank god I am moving up to Leeds at the end of the month - this move might just save me.

Discuss - am I weak or just generous beyong belief - think about it 235 records to load onto ebay at a rate of 10 minutes per auction, you decide!

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan x

Gardening Leave........ Oh what to do?

I have recently got a new job & as it is for a competitor I have been fortunate enough to be given gardening leave...... To those who don't know what this entails, it means I am being paid by my previous employer ie. New Look not to work for 10 whole weeks, it's like nearly 2 whole sumer holidays. It's brilliant! I am so grateful I cannot tell you.

However, I am in danger! I am in danger of the following happening to me..............

* My mum is an avid gardener and has a a ton of cerasot she wants both myself and my brother to reinact the Karate Kid scene with - paint the fence. Next she will have us waxin on and waxing off. She has a spetic tank for our Harvey's dog poop that she wants us to install too the list goes on and on.

* My mum has recently retired and is at present redecorating and has already had both myself and my brother, along with two handy men in B&Q calculating how many tiles she will need to tile her small toilet room and then if that wasn't enough how much grout she will need. It has been tough today.

* I have booked a hairdressing appointment for 9.30am as I have watched Jeremy Kyle 3 days on the run now. This behaviour must stop.

So as you can see I am having to run a diary to list the things I want to achieve opposed to the things my mum wants me to achieve.

The things I need to achieve are

* Research for s/s - stories

* Sell unwanted clothes on ebay which by the way is becoming quite lucrative already put £100 in the bank this week.

* Finish book with my lovely friend Sheila and get it published.

* Move home to Leeds yippee!

* Thank my friends at some point

* Book my flight to Honkers

* Do the shops - so I know what's going on

* Win the lottery! I am in it to win it

* Shave my cat - no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* Party in the new garden

* Get my money back from the bank he he! I have a claim in place & was due to go on ITN tonight but not in London so lost my 15minutes of fame. Will have to cue up for x factor again

* Buy new outfits for new job

* Join the gym

* Buy a sofa bed

* Buy a new car

So the top and tail of things is - I need top tips of how to stay on track and not to get side tracked by my mum's garden needs or I will truly be doing garden leave. Discuss.

Thanks for tuning in

Stan xx

P.s. the garden hunk is for the girls - sorry boys!