Myself and my boyfriend went for our dating scan on Friday 16th August, I was looking forward to it A. because I was not sure of my dates - standard and B. because we would be seeing our unborn child for the first time. I was full of expectation, would I cry, would it hurt, would I hear the heart beat, would I want to pee myself with a full bladder and a cold gel being applied to my tummy, would I see the baby move, would I be able to tell if the baby was a boy or a girl and also how Garry my boyfriend would react to seeing our baby too. The latter was most important to me, our relationship is now very much on now - 4mths and counting and we are planning to move in together around the corner from my Mum - I am very happy. Never been happier!
However, being Stan I can tip myself over the edge with my exhaustible hormental mood swings which have kicked in double time with the pregnancy. Poor Garry! He is great though because he just takes no notice of me - let's me vent my silly viewpoint - which by the way is very much real at the time and very stressful. I do go into melt down.
On Friday I had one of these episodes on our return from our scan and a lovely pub lunch. It started like this - we got back to the house and the shadow of darkness had ascended on me on the drive home. My problem was I had been excited in the scan and had watched Garry's response to the whole event which was one of complacency, he could literally have taken or left it. For me it was a magical moment and for Garry it was one that he did out of kindness, care and I would say duty as a dad and a boyfriend. He was not the only partner displaying these symptoms, in fact the majority of the male contingency in the anti natal ward were showing signs of boredom and bemusement.
However, I had to tell Garry about my disappointment of his non existent excitement, to which he responded with, "no - one could get as excited as you Sarah" or words to that effect. It's true by the way and all of us are different. Garry has the opinion that everyone is different and that is ok and as long as they don't hurt him or anyone else, very fair. For me, my opinion is why do people do that - that's different to me -I don't understand that, I wouldn't do that and then I develop my problems. So in my opinion, Garry not being excited, led me to believe that he was not looking forward to this new life. I explained this to him, to which he said, " ask Lee (my brother in law) how he felt when he went with Laura (my sister) to see Erica for the first time at their scan. Garry appeased me, by making me realise I was being irrational expecting him to feel what I was feeling. He is a genius at calming me down and then laughing with me at my little sulky toy out of the pram moments ie. " are you going to pretend you are asleep or are we going to sort this out?" "Right then, I'm going downstairs!" He must have been pissing himself instead.
The next day I skyped my sister and brother in law to ask the big question that had been planted in my brain by Garry. On finding out that Lee had in fact been horrified by the whole experience - not only the scan but the entire pregnancy my annoyance dissolved into complete forgiveness and realisation that I had been totally unreasonable - so unlike me ha ha ha! I felt completely stupid and called Garry to tell him what he already knew. The bugger! I have been single for over five years and I am just finding out that us girls are in fact very different from you boys. We have levels of excitement, trauma, drama, happiness and joy that you boys will never experience at the same level and I am late to the game to understand this. In a way I feel sorry for you boys because what us girls feel is so much more heightened, especially when injected with hormental mood inducing swings. I am also very grateful that I have met Garry whose very calm and laid back, he may not experience my high and low levels but his stillness helps me rationalise. I don't know how he does it, my mum is the only other person I have met who can do this with me but I very grateful that he knows how to ride the waves of my emotional outbursts.. Thank you dude - that's why I love you xxx
Thank you for reading this xx
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