Back to work............ x

My new job starts tomorrow and I am suitably, nervous, excited, happy and all at the same time gutted that my gardening leave is over. I have done all the things that you do when you go back to school, backed my bag, organised my outfit and put some tuck for the train journey in my bag.

Yes, you heard right - train. Not buzzing up the motorway to the sounds of Chris Moyles on a Monday morning. No! I moved to Leeds to escape London Town only to be sent there on my first two days! Ha ha! Twist of fate. Maybe I am meant to be in London, even staying at my previous bosses house - she is one of my bessies. I am happy to be going there really, should be fun.

Was looking forward to getting into some sort of routine but there is no chance this week. Having a fun day on the third day at the Yorkshire Sculpture Park (Random), in the office on the fourth day and then off on holiday on the fifth day. For a first week in a new job I am looking forward to this! The holiday was booked before the gardening leave, not the biggest piss taker in the world, just unlucky really! ooops x

Will keep you informed.... thanks for tuning in.

Stan

Stanners blunder!

Getting excited as a little holiday I have got planned is coming up next weekend and I received my confirmation of my flight today. Only to find out that I am booked on the wrong flight from everyone else, so I am the only soft one who is arriving at Heathrow at 5am for a 7am flight & every bugger else is on the later much more reasonable flight at 10am. My friend called me a dufus today which made me laugh because I hadn't heard that word since watching 'something about mary' & sad because I think there is a degree of truth in her observation.

I constantly surprise myself when I think I am all organised, sometimes I am! honestly, it frightens the fook out of me. I thought to myself - brilliant I have booked my flight, it was so long ago I was starting to wonder whether I had done it or not. On confirmation, I thought to myself now I can liaise with the girlies on how we are getting to Heathrow etc, only to find that I am booked on the earlier flight on my own....... genius.

I am now panicking because I am sure I said I could get us a tent as we are all camping and I haven't done that either. Oops! Oh! never mind I am going to win the euro millions lottery tonight so we can all stay in a luxury hotel instead.

In case I don't win and the chances of that happening are slim - I can feel the winning streak in my bones, if anyone has a three or four man tent - the extra space would be good for a wardrobe space..... I would love to borrow it. I would take great care of it too.

Many thanks for tuning in and wish me luck for the lottery and actually getting away at all next weekend.

Stan xx

Every Cloud and all that! x

Driving home today I saw an amazing cloud formation - not as good as the image of the horse but it did have a silver lining. It reminded me how lucky I am. I need to be reminded all the time because I punish myself by working too hard to achieve the things I want in my life and once I have them I am too busy striving for the next thing instead of enjoying what I have just accomplished. I also get bogged down with little worries about unnecessary things, that in the grand scheme of things mean nothing. I know I am a big divvy - you wouldn't think I got a first in my degree....... first in being my own worst enermy!

My silver lining came to me today in the guise of my realisation that although I am skintos through all the expense of moving and buying cars, I have a clean bill of health and although I get lonely sometimes I know that I am in the perfect position to meet someone now and be happy so it is only time. Also, want to be at Glastonbury having a great time but know I will get my festival time at Bestival and hopefully the weather will be better, no guarantees there but muchos funos in the wellies.

I spoke to a gorgeous friend of mine yesterday and I was panicking about paying out all sorts of bills. She simply realigned my priorities when she told me what was going on in her life. We really take the things we have for granted, don't we?!

Tomorrow, I am going to be grateful for all the things I have got and I am going to smile all day because I am bloody lucky! Just needed to share that with you. Going to say a little prayer now for my friend that her silver lining will come to her one day soon after her poorly time. What's your silver lining - discuss.................

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan x

Awkward Silence

If you know me - you will know I don't really stumble with making conversation but for some reason I am having trouble when I go to the gym. I don't think I know what to say to people half dressed, that might be key!

I have made one new friend he is a tubby old short guy who will chat the hind leg off a donkey - don't know why we use that saying, answers on a postcard please if you know. Today, he was telling me about sending his son out into the field to shot a sheep that had a ciest, as if that wasn't gruesome enough, he then told his son to take a knife with him. This was to cut it's belly open to see if it had been carrying a lamb - I'm not shitting you, this was the topic of conversation in my steam room! I couldn't make this shit up i t was bizarre. Anyway, the sheep was carrying a lamb so there was a happy ending to his tale.

Am I better off not talking to the people in my gym. They all seem really nice and this guy is really lovely but his topic of conversation is so far removed from the usual which is great but a bit abstract. It's definately making me more aware that I now live up north. He has been nursing this lamb and his dog has fostered it. His other topic of conversation is that he is bloody loaded and he made his money in scrap! He is harmless, really funny and assures me he could show me a good night out in Leeds but and call me shallow....... not attractive, even if he is loaded.

Anyway, once I am left alone in the steam room and new people come in, I find I cannot talk to them unless they initiate it. I can't do uncomfortable silences either. I love the steam room though even if it does prove to be difficult for me. At least they can't see how red my face is in there, so no - one talks about that. I bet they do talk about my redness though when I come out of the steam room with a beetroot coloured face ha ha! I think I have issues with my gym - wonder if it is because I am not used to being this good to myself and chilling out or is it that I have issues with silence. Think I have just been on my own for too long now...... need some banter but think I would like to choice a nicer subject other than killing poorly animals and cutting unborn ones out of its poor unfortunate belly - sorry to share this with you, feel it is only fair! What would you do in my situation, discuss!

Thanks for tuning in

Stan xx

Red Faced!& bloody embarrassing!

Look at this girls face - now times the redness by five and you might start to see why I am getting a little bit embarrassed at the gym. I have been on gardening leave for some time now for those who haven't heard - sorry! It's coming to end at the end of this week you'll all be relieved to hear.

However, in my time off I have been going to the gym on a regular basis. I do 4k run in 20 mins, best yet! 2000 metres on the rowing machine in 10 minutes and then I do weights for my chest and arms, then I go to the pool where on a daily basis I get a gran or some random dude saying to me, wow you have been working out! You look so red............ bloody no shit sherlock. Gutted, today I was asked if I had been to cycle fit because I looked so red. It's not funny - stood in my bikini with body colour looking normal and my face looking like a belisha beacon.

I read up on this unfortunate affliction but apparently it is all good because it is the good oxygenated blood rushing to the face and releasing toxins. I must have a lot of bloody bad toxins or just a load of good blood. Anyway, I am looking a lot healthier these days and I just thought it was the country air - damn you oxygenated blood. Wonder if I cleanse more regularly I wouldn't have as many toxins to clear out ha ha!

So what do I do to reduce this redness nonsense - exercise less........ not an option! I am enjoying it too much now. I must add, that yes all exercise arouses the oxygenated blood and can leave me red faced in the bedroom too! Too much information but if it doesn't, that's a very bad sign ha ha! Embarrassing - I know. I am fooked basically really aren't , it's not a good look and please don't tell me it is a healthy glow - I look ridiculous!

Please help me with some witty responses for these very honest but very annoying people who keep stating the obvious and letting me know that I have got a face the shade of a pommegranite. "I bloody know!"- just isn't that polite and "10/10 for observation sherlock" doesn't work either.

Thanks for tuning in, discuss...........

Stan x

My five minutes with Mr Noel Gallagher! xx

What I am about to tell you happened to me nearly ten years ago but the event delivered a question to me that I couldn't answer and still can't.

One rainy afternoon in November 02, Barbara Horspool - yes offa Channel 4 fame New Look TV Style the Nation, sent me on a mission. She requested that I get her son a copy of the Green Cross Code as he was doing some project in the scouts - and at that time B was a scout leader so wanted Jake to be equipped for his new venture in dodging danger on the roads. So being her design assistant and trustee of all things bonkers in keeping B organised I trotted over to Woolies on Baker Street - yes it was still on the high street map back then and I got on with the task of finding said book.

In my quest to find the book I spotted Mr Noel Gallagher laughing at me chastising the shop assistant for directing me to the highway code which was of no use to me. As I was amusing him I thought it was only fair that he should do something for me so I swiftly picked up the first card off the shelf and asked him if he would sign it for me. He was really nice and said "yeah no problem", to which I replied :" oh! shit I best buy it first - do you mind waiting". Not only did he agree, he waited for five maybe ten minutes while I queued, the till roll ran out and a busy little group of people started to take an interest in him just standing around in Woolies waiting for me.

I felt really sorry I had left him waiting so I bought him a flyte chocolate bar and he told me I was lovely! How nice was that?!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Noel liked me! When presented with this paid for card he asked me who it was for? I couldn't answer, so I just said. "This needs to go to someone special, who I love and would love this.......... to which he wrote the above message.... which I think is genius.

Anyway, I still have this card, which is slightly sad because I haven't found anyone I love enough to give it to but I am hopeful that now that I getting my ship in order that day will come and I will be able to say. I love you and so does Mr Noel Gallagher.

Thanks for tuning in & a special thank you to Noel, if you ever read this.

Peace, Love and Bananas

Stan xxx

Our Dad x

Jimmy Stanley was our dad. A big social man who was always at the centre of the party - which was generally the Windmill pub. He was a sports lover who lived for Liverpool Football Club. On derby day, when we mostly won, he would send us kids out into the street to torment the Jardine kids whose dad was a Evertonion, god bless him RIP, they are both probably having the same old banter upstairs. Dad also loved John Lennon and everything that the Beatles ever did, I can only assume that he is having a chin wag with him too, at least I hope so because I know he would love nothing better & it would be cool, dad was cool.

We lost him over 20 years ago now - the drink got the better of him. There were a lot of bad times because of his drinking but today I just want to tell you about the good times and why I love him today.

Our Dad was the original Jim Royal - he was as funny if not funnier, he had his chair which he invariably fell asleep in, or ordered the channels to be changed from because he was the original lazy get ha ha! He made made the best chips, he always had a strong opinion, he loved a cross word, he also had a uniformal sense of dress, a blue shirt and jeans, his casual look or a red jumper and black trousers, his going out look. He always made us laugh and when we were on the good side of him he was your best friend ever, he would make you feel loved and very wanted. He would skit at me for fancying boney benny - he gave everyone a nickname - it was endearing, he would call me square head and laugh at my many outfits or hairdo's, he used to call me pineapple head when I would wear my hair in a scrunchie. He literally nearly died laughing when a comedian told me I looked like I was wearing a pair of curtains - to which he disclosed to the comedian that indeed I had made the dress I was wearing out of a pair of curtains..... he loved embarrassing us but only he was allowed to do this, he would defend us to the hilt and would even fight for us. Proof of that came one day when he threatened to lamp snazzle the local lout for stealing our bikes while we were out swimming. The bikes came back, but we never went swimming for ages after that because we were punished for leaving the shed open. Loved going swimming with him though, he would throw us in the deep end and teach us all sorts of skills, like bombing and diving or belly flopping in my case.

When I look at my big brother J I see the good times, he has become the best dad ever. He makes his kids giggle, he loves them and he would never let anyone hurt them. I know our dad had a disease that only allowed us to see the best of him in small bursts but for those times I am truly grateful and say thank you to you dad. You are the reason I am loved today, because I have your sense of fun, your ability to fill a room with laughter and your sense of good music and fashion ha ha! Tuck yourself up tight tonight dad, I know you are watching over me and our kids and you deserve the rest.... we are all doing well and you should be proud. Thank you.

Happy Father's day............ I love you and remember the good times.

Your soppy daughter Sarah xx

Can you help be a uniform hero???????

Have I got your attention!!!!!!! Boys thought you might appreciate this image and girls you all know we look like that on our hen nights out.

On a more serious note, I watched a documentary the other night which made me think about my childhood. I had a poor upbringing but I was lucky in that I was rich in alot of other ways. However, I lived on an estate which was very poor and some of the kids in my school were bullied because they had holes in their uniform or they were singled out because they were unkept.

If you watch the BBC documentary(please see the link below) you will see the misfortune these children are living in without any help and often being grouped into that aged old argument that they are living on the state and we are already paying for them. I disagree that all situations are the same and this film clearly shows that.

I am asking you all to watch this film not so that you have a crappy miserable weekend - but so that you realise how lucky you are and how these kids need our help. Can you please send this link to as many people and do me the biggest favour ever by doing the following. Whether you have children or not this summer when you go to buy your uniforms can you please pick up an extra shirt, or skirt or jumper and drop them into your school or an under priviledged school. Teachers if you are reading this can you play your part and help distribute the extra uniforms to the kids that need them.

I am dropping this thought into the interweb ocean and hoping that you will all play your part. Thank you for tuning in as always. Here's keeping my fingers and thumbs crossed.

Love Stan xxxx

BBC - BBC TV blog: Poor Kids: A child's view of growing up in poverty

www.bbc.co.uk

Find out why a group of children who live below the poverty line struggle to believe they'll ever make anything of their lives - and how director Jezza Neumann, got them to open up in BBC One documentary Poor Kids.

Train Hell Begins

I am unfortunate enough to have experienced the speed of the Hangzhou to Shanghai Bullet Train - it topped speeds of 354kmph. It was amazing, taking just an hour forty minutes in a high tech, none smelly, spacious, comfortable environment. Yet, parts of China are still classed as part of the third world and yet they have a super fast rail network that they have invested in which nocks britain into the third world in train transportation.

I am making this point this morning as I am about to make the slow and painful journey back to Leeds via a London weekend. I am dreading it because it took me eight hours to get from Wakefield to the Isle of Wight last Friday and everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. From the rails being too hot from the 22c heat of the day, to changing trains because the air conditioning didn't work - only to change to an ice box carriage in the new train. Yes the whole journey was one long nightmare.

I wish Mr Branson would hurry up and take over the british rail network and rip up all the rail tracks to install the superior rail network we deserve at a price that is justified and not daylight robbery as my journey was the over day. I know I am ranting again.

Well wish me luck, I am better prepared this time, at least I have magazines to read. I was expecting to use my laptop to do some research on the train but oh no - that would mean that the free wifi would have to bloody work.

Thanks for tuning in

Stan xx

I told you so.......

When I was living in Camden I mentioned in my blog that someone was letting themselves in my front door. I used to go home and the barrel locks would be turned open and yet in the morning I would leave and turn the locks shut. I know you all thought I was mad - I had the locks changed, I used to text myself to prove to myself I had locked both locks and I had numerous crying bouts which my friends loved -sorry! Anyway, the door of suspicion that my landlord suggested that the locks maybe unlocking themselves has been removed.

I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that because now I know it must have been that the door was broken or the same was happening to the landlord for him to want to remove it. I hope someone was letting themselves in, scare them as much as it scared me - thats awful but that would be karma.

I have a really safe door now and I even have a neighbourhood watch - bloody brilliant. Death to the green door and hello to a safe secure new home! Peace of mind.

Thanks for tuning in - I just needed to let you know I wasn't going mad!

Stan x

Are you too old for your car?

I am due to leave New Look & start at Republic. This means I have to say goodbye to my 1 series BMW which has been my trusty companion for the last nine months, it is in fact my baby! Well anyway, it means I am now in search of a new car and after a conversation I had with a guy I met last weekend I am also in search of my age identity. I know what you are thinking! Here comes the rant! You're right, I apologise now, so let's begin!

I was chatting to this guy and the topic of cars was brought up! By me - wanting to get some guidance on the search and lads love a bit of a car don't they so I thought I would have a flirt & gleam some top tips.... Well, he asked me which car I was looking at going for, to which he said this to my reply

"You don't want to be going that fast at your age" to which I retorted "why" to which he replied "your reflex's are slowing down and you need to take things slower!" My reflex action should have kicked him in the shins, the cheeky bugger!

I know I am 38 and still act like a big kid but I only said I fancied an Audi TT or a Nissan 350 - not a soft top porsche or a TVR or something mental like that. I was gobsmacked, I didn't know what to say to him so I changed the subject - that old chestnut! It's really handy being as random as I am sometimes.

I don't understand, does he think I should be driving a Volvo with the invisable kids I've got and the non - exsistent dog. I haven't found my Mr Right so I have refused to conform to the age concerns of 2.4 children, owning a house and buying a dog! Why should I drive a five door people carrier because my age statistic says at my age that car should accommodate my needs..... I have the need to speed - away from that pre judging 35 year old like him. Bugger off - I am going to get my fast car so in your face! I know I am not very mature really am I - I will grow up one day but not just yet.

Thanks for tuning in, discuss

Stan xx

Neighbours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why? Why would you purposely ignore your new neighbour? Why would you step back in the house if you saw your neighbour getting into their car? Why would you go into your house and lock the doors while your neighbour was in their own garden? Why would you say hello across your neighbour to another neighbour and purposely blank your neighbour?

Yes! You're damn right it is bothering me! My bloody next door neighbour was enjoying her garden until I came home and started watering my plants in my garden. I heard her say to her sister as they parted "I'm going to go in now and lock my doors" - random....... is it because she thinks I am a scouser? I wasn't even talking - I could understand if I was laughing and joking on my phone, that would piss her off - I can be annoying and I know this but I was minding my own business queitly (I know)- obviously earwigging a little, I just want to try and understand why she doesn't like me! She hasn't even given me a chance.

My first encounter with her was when I was chatting to my nice neighbour on the opposite side, both myself and my nice neighbour turned to aloof neighbour and said hello - but she snidely said hello back using my neighbours name and totally snubbed me! I was gobsmacked - what had I done. My nice neighbour told me she was shocked too, as that was the first time in 24 years she had ever heard her use her name - indeed, she never talks to her either........ turns out me moving in has made my nice neighbour very much more popular. Brilliant - popular by default.

The second encounter was the other morning I decided to paint my nails in the car before I went to the gym - don't ask! far too much time on my hands to do random things at the moment. Anyway, she came out to get into her car and then swiftly turned round as soon as she saw me - weird! I know you might say I'm weird painting my nails in the car but it's not like I could have jump out to talk to her while mid paint! What is she so scared of? Is she scared of the scouse accent?

I don't understand it? All my other neighbour's are lovely and yet I cannot get my head round this one who is completely allergic to me! Please discuss - Why is this bothering me - why do I give a fook about this miserable character who I actually feel a bit sorry for? Shall I kill her with kindness and ply her with a case of wine until she realises I am not going to rob her house or steal her wheels off her car. Or should I just do what she thinks I am going to do - throw a bloody big party and piss her off! Please help!

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan

P.S. Big party to that effect being planned for August bank holiday weekend - she will either love me or hate me! I will keep you posted x