To Skin A Cat or Not To Skin A Cat? That is the Question!

This bundle of fluff to those who don't know him is Jim - sometimes Jimbob and othertimes jimbob bobbins. He doesn't answer to any of the above, he is far too aloof to come when he is called. He only comes to me when he wants something and the only things he ever wants is food or cuddles in that order. He is a real boy, I think most girls would agree this is boy like behaviour!

Anyway - please note his gorgeous fluffy coat, at the moment he does not look like this at all. I have come home to Jimbob Marley - his coat is all matted with his old fur knotted into his new spring coat. Apart from looking like a ragga muffin, he looks like he has also swallowed the dog, he is fat! I have to take this matter into hand. I have two options.

a. Cover him in olive oil and rub the knots out, then brush him which is not the easiest of tasks as he is like his owner - very vocal.

or

b. Take him to the grooming parlour to get his knots shaved off....... I can barely say it!

I am distraught, Jim is doomed to being a skinned truamatised cat who probably will then go and live across the road like TC did when he got upset with me for going to live in Preston. Or I will have to grapple him to the floor and spend at least a day teasing the knots out by which time he will have devised his plan to possibly go and live as far as Preston to escape me. What shall I do? Discuss.

Stan x

ooops! I did it again x

Flipping eck! Walking around Camden High Street today thinking - I am getting a lot of male attention today - two thumbs up! Dressed in a white shirt and jeans -pretty casual, thinking going to have to do this look again, it's a good look. It wasn't until I caught the shop guys stirring at my chest - blantantly gripped. HE HAD NO INTENTION TELLING ME! My boobs were on full view... my button had popped and not one soul bothered to let me know. I think I have missed my vocation in life, I obviously feel the need to flash my assets in public. As I was telling B what had happened I realised I had my flies down too. What's a girl to do? x

Alternative Leaving Suggestions Please!

It's my leaving party tomorrow - booked the swanky cocktail club - tick! Organised the outfit - tick. Organised the bacon butty for my last Friday morning in this office - tick. So I need to organise a nice little thank you to all my friends and collegues. So I did some researching and came across the following checklist, it's like an idiots guide to how to go out...... top tip, book a table if you are going for a meal! Anyway, thought I should devise an alternative leaving do list.......... please help

Leaving 'do' checklist - By the idiots

• Identify who you want to say goodbye to and a suitable venue for this farewell
• If you are going for a meal, book a table
• Allow for the giving and receiving of leaving presents, ie. have a bag with you
• Camera, with film and batteries, to take photos of your guests
• Tissues, should it all become too much
• Time. Don't let it be a big rush. Give yourself enough time to spend with your family and friends who you won't be seeing for a while

Alternative leaving do checklist - By Me

* Check the barmen at the club are qualified hotties and know how to make a Brixton Riot!
* Go to Nando's for lunch to make sure not drinking copius amounts on an empty stomach - for some reason this behaviour does not agree with me.
* All gifts will be gratefully received but they won't be coming out to the club ... that's a recipe for disaster at the rate I loss things. Not nicknamed the snail trail for nothing - leave a path of possessions behind me, sometimes never to see them again! Miss my diamond necklace.
* Tissues are essential - already had a moment today when I realised my gorgeous friends won't be around me when I move to my new job. I know I will make new ones - it's all good. Leaving is always a tearjerker - think Pretty Woman when Julia says goodbye to Kit! "Take care of you" x
* Wear preventitive beer goggles - it is bound to get messy and I have been known to be a bit affection with the occassional boy around the time of ten to two - we all are! Not just me. It's not big and it's not clever. I get bored of dancing ha ha!
* Make sure not to wear masacra - it could get a bit water damaged when the tears and the laughter take full effect. There will be lots of fun.
* Prepare in my head which songs I want to sing on the random karoke machine we attack in the early hours - I can guarantee, black velvet - winning!
* Party feet! My favourite shoes have developed "I hate you" aversion with my feet. Never has it happened before but a couple of weeks ago while out on a brilliant night in Manchester my feet had a fight with my shoes and the latter won.
* Practise my dance moves tonight........ someone remembered that I use to do the splits as my party piece - Claire and Carol you are my partners in crime for that little trick. Tomorrow will mark the end of an era for myself, Smithy, Hester & Brianceau - let the dance off commence.

Anyway, think that is my checklist in order but please feel free to add anything! Discuss.

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan xx

Ebay Dispute! No! Help!

Need your help you guys! Sold my gorgeous art nouveau wardrobe on ebay and the couriers have broken the door while taking it to the new owner. Apparently, the door was off when it got there and a hinge was missing.

Firstly, if you know me I am too honest, my mum will tell you. My face will tell you if I am lying. Shellie my buyer can read if I say yes - sometimes she knows that means no! it's that obvious - I am very readible - it is a big flaw methinks. Therefore, I would never sell anything that was damaged. I am a good catholic girl. Honestly!

Secondly, how the feck would I get that door off, it is massive and I am a such a girl - not particularly equipped in taken doors off. That's a job for the boys and as I have no boys just to randomly take doors off to piss my ebay buyers off, I would say the bloody door was on when it left the building. The burly couriers must have broken it and I am getting the blame - bloody typical!

So what shall I do? As yet again I have found myself with another dilemma. I have responded to the complaint, asking her to speak to the two burly couriers who collected the wardrobe and probably got a glimpse of my arse yesterday. Other than that, I am a bit clueless how the complaint system works - shall I just tell her to feck off! She got the wardrobe for a complete bargain! No, that's gonna work & it's a bit rude really. Anyone else had this happen to them?...... discuss! Thanks for tuning in.

Stan xx

Ooops! A Marilyn Monroe Moment x

Today, I was going for the Chloe Chic ad's look, pleated skirt as shown and camel polo neck teamed with dangerously high shoes.... a good look me thinks. However, I disgraced myself not just once but twice today.

First, it happened in front of one of the directors in work - fortunately being a woman she promptly exposed my misdemeanour. Skirt tucked firmly up there in my knickers exposing my right butt cheek. Not a good look - bit cheeky to say the least! See what I did there? I apologise.

The second time was much more embarassing. I was dangerously trotting down the Camden Road - the busiest road in Camden and to my surprise I was beeped not once, not twice but numerous times to which I just wiggled off with my smug grin thinking I have still got it, strutt, strutt, strutt. It wasn't until I was in Tesco's in the veg isle and I could see this guy following me around - thought to myself weirdo - which isn't rare in Camden, it's quite normal to have a weirdo encounter in Tesco's. I simply turned away from him and swished my skirt in disgust only to notice that yet again my right cheek again was truly on show and my skirt had been eaten by my knickers - what a t@*t!

No - one! NO -ONE! Bothered telling me - the world is full of tight b@$!4&ds......... even the woman at the bus stop with her gerka thingy on didn't tell me to cover up. Would you have told me? Discuss......... x

Thanks for tuning in.

S xx

Oh bugger! I have bought the wrong dress x

Oh God Damn it! I am going to have to buy another new dress...... haha! I bought this dress at the weekend whilst shopping with my mum in Liverpool. In the back of my mind I could hear Mathilde saying to me - no Zara at my wedding Stan, no topshop, as if and no white! However, tried this dress on and it looked bloody brilliant - it will look even better with a belting tan which I am getting from Tindia & Honkers next month and then for good measure a little camping trip to St Trop! I am a lucky bugger I know this. I thought, soft bed hair, killer heels, tan and the little white dress jobs a goodun but noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was sitting with Tilde whose Wedding I am proposing to wear this get up to and she has categorically told me she will never speak to me ever again if I dare to wear the white ensemble........ ooops! Well who am I to scupper my friends lovely white wedding I will just have to buy another dress. But where shall I wear the little broidery number to? All suggestions welcome - I thought the races! Anyone going? I have the dress could rock up whenever I have two & half months garden leave! I forgot to mention that ha ha! Yippee.

Thanks for tuning in
S xx

New Home with a party garden! whoop whoop! x

Well - you will all be glad to hear I am getting out of that crappy one bed flat on the camden road and I have secured the gorgeous 2 bed house with the stand alone bath in Leeds yeah! The bath got the big tick because you can swim lengths in it, bloody brilliant. The garden has steps for dancing on at the back and decking - so no grass cutting, it's like a piece of ibiza - need some decks now. The dilemma is now! When shall the party take place, suggestions on a postcard for a theme. I am thinking big fat gypsy wedding, the only way is essex party, what to do? Its all very exciting! By the way love leeds - it was gorgeous this weekend, muchos funos is to be had.... will install you all with party antics Thanks for tuning in - not as random as usual but too excited and tired. Will try harder to amuse you in my next update xx