What would you do? If you won the lottery this evening!

Since moving to Yorkshire for a more inexpensive lifestyle opposed to living in the big smoke of London town I seem to have attracted more bills than ever. My solution - write a list - pay what I can afford, have a glass of wine and dream of what I would do if I were to win the lottery this very evening. I am in it to win by the way - I have bought my ticket and the numbers which I have not checked yet are

12,17,26,30,40,42 - fingers crossed!

What would I do if I were to win. Where would I start - I would rock up at my mum's tomorrow with two tickets for Tahiti where I would plan my future with a strawberry daiqurai in hand on a sun lounger. I would pay off all my bills and save all my friends & family from their bills also. Of course we would have to have a party to celebrate everyone being debt free. Wouldn't that be great when everyone is feeling the pinch of the recession. Good times!

My new career would be to run a florist with a lingerie and gift service for the lucky girls in this world to be treated by the men in their lives. I would be able to bring a smile to a lot of people's faces every day. All this would be run from my very own grand design house that I would live in with my perfect man, cat and dog! It's not much to ask really is it. I have my eyes on my lottery future. Wish me luck and let me know if you win - what would you do with your winnings! It's up to you!

Good luck everybody!

Thanks for tuning in

Stan xx

you heard it first here! Bradshaw - Jones Syndrome !

The Bradshaw Jones Syndrome is an illness found in many women. We go out looking hot and aspiring to the legendary Carrie Bradshaw - for the benefit of the men who are reading this blog - she is the lead fashionista in Sex and the City. We carry off our newest trends with the maximum poise we can muster in our sky high heels and we trot off into the evening hoping to find Mr Big - or at least Mr Right for now.

However, we have a flaw in our plan to secure our Mr Big and it is one suffered by a fellow heroine Bridget Jones. Either through our association with the wineage or just blantant bridgetness we end up going home without Mr Big or Mr Darcy. We end up tucked up in bed alone thinking w.t.f happened there. Bedraggled and lacking the glamour of the previous night we wonder what did I say, what did I do, what do I do next?

There is a solution - a remedy for all women looking to escape the Bradshaw - Jones syndrome. Stay off the drink - it is evil - it strips away the glamour and reduces you to a Jones mess! Abstain from all party antics such as dancing on tables and doing the splits, this is the only way forward.

The alternative is staying with the Bradshaw - Jones syndrome, enjoying the fun and staying single. I know I am condemned to the Bradshaw - Jones way of life - but in a way I love it!

Are you a Bradshaw - Jones sufferer - good for you!

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan x

P.S. Bridgetness behaviour - can be described as locking yourself out of your house and having to sleep in the garage! This is a very rare form of bridgetness and I would never do anything like this but it can happen.

My fashion fix for the season - Isabel Marantesque boots!

I have envisioned wearing the Marant boots ever since they went down the catwalk at Paris fashion week in February. I even cut an image of them out of a magazine as a note to self - I must get these boots in my life, it is on my desk in my study, I also blogged about Rose Huntington Whiteley wearing them. So can you imagine my surprise to find these little beauties in Horbury! Not London, Paris or Milan, in Horbury which is a sleepy little village in Yorkshire. I absolutely love them, they shake, rattle and roll when you walk. This season I will mostly be wearing the skinny jean, wooly pully and the marant look fringe boots. They were also a billy bargain in comparison to the real things - the Marant boots are $2,200, mine were £100 and if I wear them over 100 times it will be a £1.00 per wear. Brilliant! Don't you think it is weird that I am trying to justify my spending, I haven't even got a boyfriend monitoring me and my shoe obsession. I can remember posting my last year boots too - obsessed but shoes do make or break an outfit. My friend bless her, was telling me yesterday that she was table top dancing in Ballet pumps and a celebrity came over to her and pointed at her shoes and basically said - she was very sexy but the shoes were very WRONG! She thought how rude but I have to agree with him ooops, ballet pumps are not a sexy shoe - sorry my lovely friend if you are reading this ha! ha!

Its really funny, if you ever read my blogs you would know I believe in the secret and the power of visualising what you want to have in your life. Think the secret has worked well in this case, I wanted the boots and believed I would have a version of. Going to visualise Hugh Jackman and hopefully that will come true too, wouldn't even mind a version of. Off to add some more images to my visual bank, can't wait for the Marant S/S 12 show. What shoes will she have for us next season.

Thanks for tuning in

Stan xx

Hot Yoga with Kenneth Brannagh! x

Tonight, I went to Hot Yoga with Christina my friend and new boss at Republic. Firstly, I made the almighty mistake of wearing really sheer DKNY leggings - note to self they need to go to the charity shop as I have probably shown Christina and a class full of yoggies my bare bottom ooops! Sheerness is not always good even if they are DKNY - they have got to go - embarassing.

We thought we were going to Bikyram Yoga which I learnt tonight when done in London the room temperature is set at 105 degrees and two people have died from this practise. Grinning and laughing in the face of danger, Christina and I explained that we were practised Plankers and people die from that pass time too - so there. We showed no fear! We were out ranking our sport to the most weird Yoga instructor I have ever had the experience to meet. I used to have a cool blonde dreadlocked Yoga instructor who was brilliant and really fit but this yoga instructor looked a little like Kenneth Brannagh and practised his theatrical Yoga in the style of a Shakesperian actor. He explained to us how we could hurt ourselves if we sat up wrong, if we bent over incorrectly, if we stretched too hard on short hamstrings etc which I think I may have, he even acted out this eventuality so we really got the message (he deserved an oscar for tonights performance - he really knew how to project, bless him). It was like a health & safety thespian heated yoga session, set in what looked like a church hall on an industrial estate in Knaresborough which is in the middle on nowehere. It was truly random but great for getting rid of the cobwebs - haven't been the gym for a month and will probably ache tomorrow but was quietly surprised how flexible I still am, maybe that was the benefit of having the heat from the fan heaters strategically placed around the hall. Bless, the Yorkshire Yoga Centre is run on a shoestring and at the beginning of the session we were all asked if we would volunteer to do the admin for the classes. Christina was supervising me so I did not volunteer my services - I was up for it if it was simply writing a few names down but they wanted you to commit to 2 hours every Monday, never really going to happen, I never know from week to the next what I am doing! Maybe I need to find focus after my yoga lesson and start settling down, we shall see!

Thanks for tuning in

Stan xx

SARAH! SARAH! SARAH! TO YOUR LEFT!

Yesterday, I was fortunate enough to go to a London Fashion week event at the new Stratford Westfield which is adjascent to the Olympic Village(impressive - even though only half built). It was the Look Magazine catwalk show for the high street, so I went as Babara Horspool's (New Look's Trend Director) guest. She is my old boss and the competition but still it meant I got to go and rub shoulders with celebrities such as Amy Winehouse's niece who has an amazing voice and sip champagne from a pop bottle which is always a bonus.

So we were all arrived at the venue after about a hundred speed bumps later feeling a little car sick and then had to fight our way through the stronghold of people queuing to get into Primarni. It was our idea of hell but we pushed through and entered the land of the sane on the second floor, it was total mayhem. On arriving, I was accosted by one of the photographers for my photo, a journo took down all my vital statistics and I spent the next two seconds posing for the camera. You have no idea how good it feels when the paps do that because it levitates you to this world that you know only the celebs get - so yes I was buzzing. You can only imagine the grin, so sad really!

With my inflated ego and champagne in hand I joined the green room and scanned the area for trends and celeb spotting, I love a bit of a celeb even if it is only Mandy from Eastenders - bit nerdy like that, it's like my Where's Wally of the fashion world. We were then ushered into the show and I strutted off in front of everyone - obviously still inflated and thinking I was the trendy wendy of the event. Then I heard it - it came thick and fast. "Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, look left, look right, sarah................ I looked round only to see Sarah Harding with an orange barnet pulling off all sorts of sexy shapes - gutted. I thought the Paps were shouting for me to pull off some shapes - ha ha! How the ego deflated, which was probably good don't really suit that look anyway.

Off I went deflated to my perch on the catwalk, spilt champagne all over me and enjoyed every minute of the catwalk as the photographers were hilarious, they hardly took any photo's and were rude about the models as if they were some sort of models themselves - love people watching.

On the way out we saw Danny Dyer which was extremely nice and even had to have a photo with him bless him! Mobbed by the New look entourage, it was good to see them all again.

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan with a big head! Sorry, not a good look!

S xx

Raleigh International - Mauritius 93F

When I was twenty years old I was lucky enough to go on an expedition to Mauritius for three months. While there I kayaked around the island, built a bridge across the Black River Gorge in ten days, monitored and recorded the behaviours of Noddy Birds, Skinks and Rodrigian Fruit Bats. I deseeded a whole load of plants which were not indigenous to the Island and I also ringed Noddy birds by catching them in a net. It was an amazing experience but it was also traumatic. You see when a bird flies into a net as you can imagine, it would poop itself, as you do - so yes it was a very messy task & slightly dangerous. They are also very protective over their young and so we had to wear hard hats to protect us from the dive bombing birds which attacked us on a daily basis.

It was great being so close to the animals and we got the chance to go on Round Island which is one of Gerrard Darrel's project islands. However, I did make one big bad mistake while on my expedition. I was sent out at 6am and told to look for the first skink and then monitor his or her behaviour all day. So the first one I saw ran under a rock and stayed there until 6pm when my fellow team member came to relieve me and take over the task of monitoring this skinks behaviour for yet another 12 hours. I laughed and joked how this skink had just sat under the rock and even lifted the rock to show my fellow mate that it was still there. Then it happened, this rare species was squashed when in my fit of laughter over my complete waste of a day and my shocking sun burn I lost grip of the rock and dropped it on the poor unsuspecting creature ooops! I felt awful and as you can imagine a fit of crying and laughing quickly followed, we promptly set about finding another skink which is not as easy as you would think.

Karma did bite me back on the arse though! On my way to Round Island I had felt sorry for my fellow team member who was being sea sick down below deck. So to try and help her I went to hold her bucket and hair back from her face. That is probably the worst thing you could ever do - note to self look at the horizon and ignore the sicky person or suffer the same fate. I quickly followed suit and at our final destination both myself and this poor little Chinese girl needed Adrenalin shots to try and get us up and running after losing half our body weight in fluid - sorry about the detail. Anyway, while being given injections and one of those awful replacement drinks my team members were unloading my kit bag on the boat and put a water but in my bag which was strapped to my back and I instructed to make my way up the mountain in my flip flops to the campsite. Amazingly no - one thought to bring my sleeping bag, clothes or boots, all was left on the boat which had returned to the main island and when radioed the cheeky thieving Mauritian dudes said they couldn't find it. I had to sleep in a bivvy bag which is made of plastic which made we sweat, then I got cold because I was lying in wetness which then went to my kidneys and then I had to be air lifted off the island because I had a kidney infection. Bad! I don't remember it all because I was a bit delirious and woke up on the main land in the medic camp. That's what you call karma, kill a skink end up in hospital!

Apart from that had a brilliant time with a lot of bumps and bruises. Would definitely recommend!

Thanks for tuning in

Stan x

The Secret! x

"Do not expect others to behave in a way, so you will be happy. Release yourself forevermore & know that you alone control your happiness and it is a choice no matter what anyone else is doing!"

I went on a trip to Turkey a couple of years ago and poured my heart out to one of my friends about how I hadn't found happiness and felt like I was on a constant treadmill of never achieving all the time. She asked me had I ever heard of the book called "The Secret". I hadn't and for a while I thought it was a Catherine Cookson novel. I found "The Secret" after a long search in a book shop with my niece in Heswall, it was unfortunate that she had just hit her head on bookshelf and was screaming the place down when the sales assistant handed me my very first copy - I have since given away two of my own. It had been in the back of my mind for at least six months whether I should indulge in this book of wisdom - I kept thinking can this be true, can a book really deliver a better life. I doubted it and kept myself in a state of denial and paralysed to move forward. On reading "The Secret" my life changed to be stronger, more focused and defiantly more positive. My friends started to read the book of the back of my positivity and the shift in my behaviour. I now have the dvd, my best friend bought it for me for my birthday, you see you have to share "The Secret" and it will always come back to you.

My friends are now either big fans of "The Secret" or without knowing have the power of the secret manifested in their behaviour already - I take my hat of to them, they know who they are. My friend Mika, who lead me to "The Secret" meet her now husband when she was feeling a bit homesick in Shanghai, she went to a film opening and met her soul mate at the premier - he woowed her, writing her love letters from England and now she is the proud mother of their first child. She married a superstar and she herself is brilliant, she has been my inspiration since reading "The Secret" - not because she married a famous person but because she mastered the secret, she made it work for her. I have made the secret work for me to an extent that I have the home and the job I have always wanted but I still want my soul mate so I have some way to go yet and need to learn that I deserve a man who loves me for who I am. I first need to love myself and make myself happy as the quote says at the beginning of this blog. So I have put my favourite cheeky photo of me at the very top, because this year I have started to love me and that is one massive achievement. If you can write "I love me" on a bit of paper never mind a blog then you deserve to be loved. I hope you find "The Secret" - I hope you love yourself because any other energy is a wasted one. Look within and take control - choose to be happy. I apologise if I have sounded like a book sales rep but it is good, try it.

Thanks for tuning in

Stan xx

Would you date these shoes! x

If I was to walk into the Dragon's den this would be one of my ideas. I have had the idea for a couple of years now but just wouldn't know where to start so if you could help me - I would really appreciate it.

I would run a dating website called www.wouldyoudatetheseshoes.com for the simple reason that a person's shoes can teach you a lot about their personality. When looking for a soulmate the first thing you should look at is their personality, so look at their shoes. Think about it - a man or a woman wearing Converse are cool - their shoes say cool and their music taste is probably Indie. If he is wearing square toed shoes, he is probably square.

Men who wear square toed shoes are trapped in a past era that they started wearing that shape shoe - they are school shoes and a square toe means a square personality. The girl how would be attracted to this man would wear a square or almond toed shoe - with a sensible heel. Both would probably be in jobs that bare a lot of responsibility.

A stan smith trainer says I have a council estate upbringing - but I may have escaped it because I still chose to wear them & I am reminiscent of my roots or just can't change. The girl who would date this man would wear a stan smith equivalent (or the Ugg) in the day but she would wear a killer heel to impress.

A brogue means Oxford upbringing or the equivalent. However, a man that wears a brogue like to think they have a certain sense of style like the Italians - they will probably have been to uni and see themselves as achievers. The girl who would date this man would wear a ballet pump in the day and a kitten heel to impress. This would be the William & Kate catergory.

A man wearing a Merrel should be retired! What are these shoes about? Why would you - they are comfortable, boring and retiring. A girl who would date this man would be a croc wearer - she has given up on fashion and wants a comfortable life, alternatives would be those trainers that tone your legs when you walk. This is the ugly shoe catergory.

A flip flop man - like to feel at ease, comfortable in his own skin, adventurous and ready to relax at any spare moment. A fellow flip flop girl would date a flip flop man, they are at ease with their unisex dressing.

I know this is a business idea that probably would work but I need the help so I am sending this idea out to the universe and if anyone has any great ideas of how to start this venture, get in touch. By the way I would love to date a converse shoe wearer!

Thanks for tuning in

Stan xx

New Sexy Lingerie & all for a bargain! x

There's no better feeling than a nice new set of lingerie, I suppose clean sheets comes close but when you have a new saucy set it gives you that extra confidence. A new top can give you a new look on the outside but a new set of underwear is your little secret, you know what you are wearing looks good underneath and that always makes you feel extra special. I wonder if men get the same sort of lift if they have a new set of calvin's on, answers on a postcard please ha ha!

Mum & I have been shopping over the weekend and have bagged some billy bargains that I would urge you girlies to get out and grab before they are gone. Go and spoil yourselves, the autumn is coming fast upon us and you all deserve a little bit of a lift, the tan is fading and soon you will be wrapped up in layers of knits and coats - cosy but not always a sexy look. Investing in a few new bra & knicker sets could keep a smile on your face through the winter, it could also give your boyfs a smile too. Elle MacPherson has opened up in Cheshire Oaks and her bra's are going for an absolute song. Some of the naughiest pieces were only in A cup sizes which is ok if you have boy tits as Keith Lemon would say but Mum got some of the bigger cup sizes for £5.00 -WOW! I had to spend a bit more because I have a common boob size - bugger! One of the bargains we got though was this bra in the picture (Elle MacPherson)with the matching knicks for just £10.00 in TK Maxx. Girls, how can you leave it in the shops for that price.

We have seriously kitted ourselves out in the lingerie department this weekend so if you are wondering what the extra swagger is in the footstep and the extra liftage in the bust area is, it was the shopping spree at the weekend. Go and treat yourselves! Everyone loves a Billy Bargain and everyone likes to feel sexy - Brilliant combination. Happy shopping.

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan x

Are you an owl or a planker? x

This is a photo of me planking in Le Cirque in India. We went for dinner with the equivalent of India's answer to "Made in Chelsea". They rocked up in their curtained Rolls Royce complete with chaffeur and then had the pleasure of us showing them our western ways. We first helped them sex text one of their prospective girlfriends, then we introduced them to the world of planking. I think they must have thought crazy western girls because the men thought we were fun but the women did not seem amused at all. These girls just didn't seem to know how to relax. Very uptight so I can only assume that we were like a breath of fresh air to our new indian male friends.

We had dinner which was small, overpriced and very rich - brilliant, it was a taste of Italy I had never experienced before but had a great time. We then left via several planking opportunities which we took great pleasure in photographing for our amusement once we got home. Christina my friend is an expert and I am a mia novice, she has even planked on a policeman's head & her friend has planked on the Great China Wall, wow! Have you ever planked or are you more of an owl? Or even the newest trend is horsemanning.

Discuss! Or even better send me your photo's.

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan xx

My birthday wish! x

It is the last hours of my 38th year and I have had some bloody brilliant times and pulled myself out of a situation that was not great for me. I have stayed at the Four Seasons hotel in Hangzhou (amazing place), been on the bullet train to Shanghai, spent new year in Honkers Konkers, been to Bestival, watched one of my bessies get married, been to St Tropez, moved jobs and got a lovely new home all in one year! This is all really good but this year I am more settled, I have a home and I feel completely happy but I do have a birthday wish.

My birthday wish is not for a labradoddle as you see aside, my wish is to have a soulmate, a family and this would be our labradoodle. His name will be Charlie, I can't have Charlie until I have my soulmate living with me because he would have to do the walks and he would have to look after him while I am travelling. I am dead set on this this year, I am the happiest I have ever been, in a great job and really want to just come home and be a wifey for the first time in my life. I have plenty of wifey skills now, I am fully trained in dons la kitchen, enjoy the obvious and give great hugs, what more could a boy want.

When I was in Tindia last week I realised that I needed to up my game in the old polished stakes if I am to bag my new soul mate so, Smith and I went to the Bare Minerals counter in Debenhams on Saturday and I bought a starter pack, I also bought the lip gloss which is brilliant, it tingles - well recommended. I then went for a shellac manicure - also brilliant - last for three weeks. Sorry if I am boring any of you boys, I am actually boring myself too while I am writing this, think I have bought the emperors new make up - so bare it is hardly but really pleased with the nails. I have just spent a tidy sum on new key items for the wardrobe too so by tomorrow night's Karaoke session I should be in some sort of attractive state I hope. Even if it just to make me feel good! I have two karaoke sessions this week - tomorrow and Saturday - love it.

So for this year, I am want a boyfriend who is a prospective husband (no time wasters please), want to launch my own own company - coming soon to a computer near you! That's all you are getting for now! I am also going to get my children's book published - right it is all set in stone. Next year when I turn the big 40 and I am en route to Tahiti with my soul mate, cashola in le banque because I have a successful business and a book deal under my arm - please would you do me a big favour........... look after Charlie the Labradoodle for me. Fingers crossed and lets do a recap next year.

Thanks for tuning in

Stan xx

This week I love Tina Turner!

At the weekend my bessies came to stay and I was having my own little spotify memorabilia party with them. I put Tina Turner on because I was remembering one of my other gorgeous friend's Annette who sings her heart out to "Proud Mary". She is genius at the intro - chatting away in she sexy voice and then she lets it rip, whether it be in someones living room or a backstreet pub in Liverpool - the energy is the same - love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So does her audience x

Isn't weird how you think about someone and then you end up being surrounded by them. I flicked on to Film four this evening and I am currently watching the Tina Turner story "What's Love Got To Do With It". I believe things happen for a reason, I was meant to be watching this film for many reasons.

One of the reasons was to show me that no matter how people put you down they can only keep you down if you believe what they are saying is true. In Tina Turner's married life she was plagued with violence and abuse. However, until she realised that she deserved better she remained trapped, frozen in her insecurities and a prisoner of her own talent. Her sister channelled her faith into Buddhism and she realised that she was strong enough and that anything was POSSIBLE.

Cause & Effect is a Buddhist belief which she practises to this day, I don't practise Buddhism but I have read a book called The Secret which helps me focus on the positives in my life & draws in the positive people around me. I changed my life around from a negative situation at my workplace, I wasn't heard, I felt worthless, I struggled to get my ideas across - not by all my colleagues but by one person imparticular which was enough to cripple my talents. The man I am talking about doesn't even deserve to be mentioned, writing about this time is draining in itself. I have always sought male approval in my life because I struggled gaining it from my dad - when in the workplace the father head of the company I was working for berated me and never gave me a chance, yet I continued to try and win his favour but this was in vain. I looked within and realised I couldn't change him and yet I was always focusing on how I could change this guy's view of me and my performance in work. Instead, I started to believe in myself, I started to change my focus on me and if I wasn't going to be appreciated why should I want to impress, why should I want to work for this company any longer! That's when I decided to take action instead of focusing on the negative situation I turned it into a new job up north with a company who values me. It is also very good to hear that my suppliers all want to work with me again too and that's because I am good and I have cast off the shadow that you have to impress someone. You don't, you need to invest in yourself, you need to believe in yourself and you need to treat people how you would like to be treated and only good will come to you.

I really recommend the book although Annette lives by these values without the book and so does Claire Hesterpants - but if you need a little help in the right direction, whack on a bit of Tina Turner circa after Ike (what a drain) and gene up on getting your life positive. Once you have done this - pass it on. P.s. I love Tina Turner because she is an inspiration - she restarted her career when she was 43 years old, she looks amazing, she knows how to work out & she knows how to rock a room! - life has funny timing & can suprise the fook out of you if you live it to the full.

Thanks for tuning in

Stan xx

Did you know - I was once in the Territorial Army?

I moved to Galashiels in the borders of Scotland when I was just nineteen years old. I had a very lovely group of friends who to this day remain that way, but at the weekends they would go home to their families because although beautiful and peaceful Galashiels is not the hot bed of fun that most students need. However, my home was too far to travel to every weekend so I decided to find a job to fill my dull weekends.

Galashiels is tiny and it's residents consist of 1:8 ratio men to women. So I thought I would combine my need for male attention & lack of funds with a weekend occupation - my solution was to join the territorial army, pretty random you might say, gallant of me even, but no my reasons where simply monetary and in search of a bit of romance. However, my time in the territorial army did not deliver on the boy front - I inherited about ten father figures who looked after me, which was nice, but what I hadn't banked on, was the scraps I would get myself into from the expeditions which is what I want to share with you today.

The experience I am to share with you I also told to my best friends parents on meeting them for the first time, her dad was a fellow army man so I felt the need to impress him with my army antics but failed miserably and this is why. One weekend we went on an ambush exercise in some forest somewhere around Motherwell, I apologise for my geography it was a long time ago and I know it was near Motherwell for reasons that will become clear later. The exercise started well, we had a camp fire, dinner in a tin, some biscuits, a little chat about our task in hand then we got into groups and set off in the pitch black forest. I was told to hold onto the man in front and to keep really quiet - the guy behind me was told to do the same to me and so on until a giant green caterpillar was formed & we crept through the woods like something out the Blair Witch Project. Petrified! not of the dark - of the Sergeant who would bollock me if I fell over or giggled or spoke, which if you know me is probable dead cert! His banter wasn't up to much ha ha! Once we got to our position in the field through the forest we were signalled to lie flat on our backs and wait for the signal to ambush our opponents. We must have been lying there for one maybe two hours & I had been suffering with a pain in my stomach which at first I ignored but as it got colder the pain grew in intensity. Queue the tears! My buddy next to me asked me what the matter was so I told him, he then sent the message down the green caterpillar to the Captain who then came to see me. On seeing me in my miserable state and asking me a few questions he diagnosed suspected appendicitus and commanded the exercise to be abandoned and a rescue mission assumed. I was lifted through the woods in a jacketed make shift hammock thing to the truck and then driven to Motherwell infirmary where about ten soldiers including the Captain and my charmless sergeant witnessed my most embarrassing moment ever. I was taken into a side room where upon I was prodded by a doctor - as he pressed my stomach like some toy that makes a sound, I let out the most enormous fart, to which the doctor diagnosed me with chronic trapped wind and not suspected appendicitus . I was relieved to say the least - pardon the pun but embarrassed as half my team where witness to one of my most shocking moments in life. My dad would always say "better out than in" but on this experience I think I would have preferred a more private space to have been diagnosed.

Another shocking event happened on the shooting range, I had scored a high mark and was buzzing with excitement as this was my first attempt at shooting. We were equipped with S.A.A.T's raffles and we had a set of sand bags surrounding us as a dugout and I had a officer assisting me. On my second attempt to shoot along the firing range I cocked the thingy back and as I was so excited and nervous when I shoot the gun I knocked myself out with the impact of the gun making contact with my cheeky bone and eye socket. I never failed to produce a laugh for the team of soldiers that I worked with - my antics were of amusement but I don't think I would be any use in a war zone which is why I will always be grateful to my very special brother who has risked life and limb for us in the name of the British Army . He is my Hero!

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan x

Best Mates

I am the luckiest girl I know - I have a great set of friends from all over the country, The Wirral, London, Manchester, Scotland, Isle of Wight & all of them are amazing. I am so grateful to all of them for the happiness we all share, the laughs, the dance offs and banter. They know who they are, they are the perfect friends.

What I love about my friends so much is that no matter my decisions they always stand by me. For instance, moving back up north was always a wish of mine. I sat on a train telling Hester what I wanted & she just listened and again gave me the courage to just go for it. You know when you are having hard times they are always there even though you might live the other end of the country. I am able to say that my friends go that extra mile - when Barbara was sending me texts last week from Tenerife, because we always went on holiday together she started to worry about me because she couldn't get in touch with me so she called Zoe to find out if I was alright. She didn't know that I lost my phone, "bloody typical" I think the words were, but she cared from all that way. I just think it is amazing to have friends who care for you, they are your extended family.

I have been single for four & half years and counting ha ha! My friends have been my rocks, always around for fun, tears and a lot of laughs. If I ever meet a man who can deliver on even half of the love and fun I get from my friends I will be a very lucky girl. Being single has been great because it has shown me how much fun and love is out there with out a partner, I am very grateful for that.

This weekend I have the Smithy, Hester & maybe Rox over, love it. Next weekend I am home and will see everyone from schooldays, the following weekend I am at Bestival with the Isle of Wight lot - is it no wonder I am single I am never in one place each weekend. I am bloody happier than I have ever been though. Thanks bessies for making my life so rich, I am truly grateful.

Thanks for tuning in, sorry if it was a bit soppy!

Stan xx

P.S. THAT'S ME AND SOME OF MY BESSIES RUNNING INTO THE SEA - DOING THE HOT ASS COMPETITION! VOTE PLEASE TICKING THE BOXES

GCSE Time!

I took my GCSE's in 1989 - a long time ago - this is me in my school uniform with my talented cat Thomas. My dad used to call me pineapple head for reasons that are clear in this embarrassing photo.

I wanted to write about my GCSE's because whatever your results are it doesn't determine your future. My grades were poor - I got 3 c's, 3 d's, 1 e and a u in maths. My attention span in school was very low and it matched my self esteem so at the age of sixteen I think I would say that I hadn't got the confidence or ability to achieve what I wanted in my future. I had a lot of great ideas of what I wanted and I am very lucky today to be living those dreams but without my determination and self belief I wouldn't be doing what I am doing today.

Stuart Hall ofa "It's a knockout" fame came into my school when I was about six years old - I loved that programme for numerous reasons. We always watched it with Aunty Norah accompanied by a wagon wheel, every one would fall over in stupid costumes and Stuart Hall's laugh was so infectious - it's one of the happiest memories of my childhood. When he arrived like a god in a safari chariot at my school I was mesmerised - I don't remember why he was dressed in a safari outfit or why he was in a jeep but what I do remember is the words he said, "you can be whatever you want to be"! This has been with me since I was six years old and I find it incredible that someone can make such an impact with words alone.

I used to entertain my mum with my dreams when I was a little girl they were fourfold. I wanted to be a star - a singer and my brother Jarrod would be my chauffeur. X factor might have to be explored again for this dream to come true - but I doubt our Jarrod would drive me ha ha! I wanted to pack hampers for Christmas - because I loved the luxuries and the surprises that you got each year - it was a very special time. I wanted to be a Red Coat we went to Butlins every year and each year I fell in love with the idea of entertaining people and that one day everyone would treat me like a mini hero as Red Coats are, they are so loved by kids. The nearest I came to this was when I ran the out of school clubs and preschool, I was always on the karaoke with the kids - fun times and I was loved by the kids so you could say I achieved this goal. However, I ruled the catwalk in my house, every day was a ten outfit per day exhibition and I regularly encouraged my sister Laura to invite her friends over to play so that I could dress them up in my mum's shoes and clothes and create a runway down our hallway to the tune of Phil Collins drowned out by our budgie Bluie who had squawked over my recording of the top forty - the little shit, that bird gave us no end of trouble. As you all probably know I achieved this dream and bloody love it. I love the fashion Industry and my new job makes me smile because I am shining like I have never shone before - the people I work with are loving my ideas and it is very creative. Two thumbs up!

I have my sister Laura to thank for this - she showed belief in me to achieve my goal. She showed me I was great and until a child or an adult knows that, they will not achieve, teaching can take you some part of the way but faith in ability can drive that talent home.

If you know someone who has poor GCSE results today - give them a big squeeze, dust their shoulders off and tell them what Stuart Hall told me -"you can be whatever you want to be" It is never too late. Live your dreams - good or bad results, just bloody do it!

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan

The gift of flowers! xxx

A couple of weeks back my niece and nephew came to stay and my sister took great pleasure letting her daughter choose the flowers. The attached photo was what Erica picked and Laura put back the lilies she had originally chosen - I would have appreciated the latter but loved the flowers Erica gave me because they were from her. Bless Erica she had picked the most colourful flowers in the shop but they are not what I would buy for myself. Now you might be thinking you ungrateful cow and you will be right. When it comes to flowers I am very particular.

You see flowers are not just flowers they mean something to me. When I decided not to marry all those years ago my fiance asked me why I had fallen out of love with him. So I told him, things had become too easy - we were more like friends and he hadn't even fought for me to come back to him and I also said "you didn't even send me any flowers". That conversation opened the floodgates of two weeks of bouquets, which you would expect would make me happy. The first couple of days I was surprised and actually felt bad because he was trying too hard. He had gone to my favourite flower shop Earth and was spending £40.00 on bouquets daily. Again - this is where the ungrateful cow rears her head again - I just didn't appreciate them because he was simply throwing money at the situation and he hadn't a clue which flowers I loved and what colours I liked. Afraid that I may bore you tears I won't go into what I like but you would think that after dating me for five years he would know. Disappoinmont!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had to stop the flowers in the end when I asked the secretary in the school I was working in to tell him I didn't want them - heartless cow I hear you cry! It was bad! I thought on the last day he had actually listened by now every teacher in the school had had a bouquet and I was glad it was finally over. Then I went to the car and he had put a bouquet on my car seat - arggggh! Spooky. We had to have a chat, he stopped sending the flowers and I think he is happily married now & has a little baby so I did a favour in the end.

The other time I was surprised with flowers was when I met a guy at a festival - he was so full on and sent the most amazing velveteen red roses you've ever seen - they must have cost a fortune. Again it went down like a lead balloon - I loved the gesture but not the flowers themselves. He wasn't to know - bless him, he turned out to be a complete weirdo though, told me he loved me on the second date - see trying too hard! God it's no wonder I am single - fooking difficult to please!

I like aesthetically pleasing flowers - not over zealous gestures and romantic cliches. I think I will be buying my own flowers from now on in anyway - after reading this no bugger will ever want to buy them for me again. What an ungrateful madam I am. I will say though I am very good at buying flowers for friends and family, so if I have upset anyone about their choice of flowers for me, let me know - I will send you some.

To go away with some inspiration, the man who most impresses me in the flower buying stakes is David Beckham. He sends Victoria a yellow rose every day, it symbollic nature is of health. The right simple flower can mean the world - think before you buy your flowers they hold so many meanings - sorry for being difficult but it is true. Here's hoping that you girl's get some nice flowers soon.

Thanks for tuning in

Stan xx

I blame my thyroid!........

I have a thyroid problem - it is under active - which is not very helpful to my happiness! I would say that 99% of my life hiccups are down to my broken thyroid, I empathise with you if you have a similar problem. The symptoms of an under active thyroid are as follows - You can get very hormental, your energy levels can drop dramatically - I can fall asleep anywhere, you gain weight, you have a low tolerance to cold temperatures, you can get numbness in you hands and you can be quite forgetful. My thyroid has hampered my love life, my waistline, my memory and my energy. I have suffered for years with this affliction but I was only diagnosed eight years ago. It's a pain because it ultimately costs me a fortune.

Today, I have travelled back from my friends house in Manchester only to realise I have left my research file for my India trip there and I am off to India on Monday - going to have to drive back and retrieve it - what a doughnut! This little mishap has become the norm with me, it used to really upset me when I didn't know why I was so painfully forgetful. I have played some blinders, on my holiday to Honkers Konkers for New Year I left my work laptop on the plane, it was never found and as it was a works laptop, I lost all my work, it wasn't insured as it was on lease and I was not very popular as a result. You can see how it damages my relationships, but I am really lucky to have great friends - I am always forgiven and they realise it is because I am a bit broken.

I have damaged relationships, when hormental, tired and grumpy I am not the easiest person to be around. Zoe one of my bessie's knows this, I have displayed my ugly side in the form of crying on the grass because I was too cold and tired, needed sleep - like a child! Bless her, it is a wonder she still speaks to me. Barbara has also experienced the nuts Sarah on numerous occasions - used to call her on a daily basis when I was in that awful flat in London and had Camden rat people banging on my windows asking for sugar, couldn't get out of the flat one morning because the door had swollen due to the damp and she once nearly went blue in the face with me because I was adamant it was all about black and white for Xmas that season. It's funny now when you look at what stresses me out - it's never that important but when I am not well I cannot cope with the hiccups of life. When well I am a fountain and can just assume that all will come good in the end.

My mum and my friends can generally tell if my levels are not right. If I am being a bit hormental my mum can hear it in my voice and will say - "have you taken your tablets today?", I then either snap at her as if to say what do mean by that (yes hormental) or I have to explain that I have ran out because I have forgotten to go to the doctors or that I have just forgotten to take them. My thyroid tablets act like a weight on a pair of scales - when I am on the right level and taking them daily I am quite balanced with just a few hiccups of forgetfulness, however, without the right level of medication I am totally irrational, tired, grumpy, cold & challenging to say the least! I really do have to make sure I take my medicine or it is only fair that my friends and family are in their full rights to tell me off.

If you ever have any of these symptoms please go and see your doctor - marriages and friendships are at stake - no-one should have to live with someone who has gained weight, can cry over nothing and forgets to look after themselves and their possessions.

I am the happiest I have ever been at the moment even though I have no phone - lost that last week, I have no boyfriend but I have my friends and freedom, I have no money but I have a gorgeous home and car. See the thyroid is working - when the chips are down if it is working I can cope and I am happy bunny - if it broken I am miserable fooker. I apologise to all of you who love me even when the thyroid is broken - you are true friends.

Thank you for tuning in........ have you any tricky ailments - discuss!

Stan x

My X Factor Audition in Manchester!

It's that time again - X factor is soon upon us and a new frenzy of excitement around the desks at work on a Monday morning will follow in hot pursuit. We will be discussing who we like, who we think is hot, whose hair we want to copy, what dresses the judges were wearing, why Louis is the only survivor! etc, etc.........

This year, I will not be putting myself up for an audition - I have been there and done that. I was working at Marks & Spencer on a placement at the time - it must be nearly ten years again - shitola time is passing by so fast! Anyway, I had designed a gold sequin dress and was very proud of it and Barbara my boss at the time allowed me to wear it for the audition. So all proud of my big bad designing self I caught a flight to Manchester from London. Laura my sister met me in the pissing rain - drove me to the Man Utd's Old Trafford and left me there in the pissing rain for 10 hours - she drove off pissing herself. We were lead in to endless lines for our turn on the biggest karoke session minus the karoke machine. I queued to see a judge who wasn't Simon or Louis, they were nowhere in sight. There was thousands of us, my number was something like 56,347. I sang in front of a half full stadium of people and although I had been building a rapport with my singing coach on the way along the line...... she then went on a tea break - bugger! Then I got a cold fish guy who made me sing two verses and a chorus twice to Stop by Sam Brown - bearing in mind that most people were given two minutes, he left me singing and then didn't even take me through - what a tease. My little heart was racing, my knees were knocking and my voice was swolled by the vast stadium - I was gutted, I had been going on about how I wanted to win and how I was going to dress up in my gold dress and look the mut's nuts! I instead stood rusting - freezing in nothing but the gold sequin dress that hadn't even hit the shelves yet. Joe public looked at me as if I had come off the disco bus and not found the party - most people had their tracksuits on - back in the day it was not the way to go!

Well I succeeded on one front, my gold dress made a million pounds worth of publicity and I know that in my heart that's where I am supposed to be - designing! I really love a karoke session though! When singing my heart out I do feel like the cat who got the cream. Planning a karoke birthday weekend whoop whoop! Can't wait for the bessie's to arrive in Leeds, Leeds, Leeds!

Top of my list is Black velvet, Stop and Fallin' after that it all gets a bit messy! Any suggestions of new songs - get in touch. Think I could do with some new material! Looking forward to it.

Thanks for reading about my little X factor experience - have you any unfulfilled ambitions? Discuss!

Stan x

Are you a drip? - A new contender!

My sister who for the record I love - has thrown a spanner in the works for our fountain and drain theory. She has said she is a drip - which I am not having.

A drip - is someone whose personality is wet. To be a drip would be annoying because there is a constant worry, a noise in the back of your mind, a constant reminder that you need to fix something.

My sister does not realise that she is in fact a fountain because I never tire of her, she constantly makes me laugh, she's brilliant and only drains ever upset her. She is always positive and really happy and I love her. Oh! She always laughs at me for having all these theories of how to have a happy outlook on life too.... that's because she has it all and just doesn't even realise it. If Jim'll Fix could grant you a happy adulthood she would get the badge, she has the drinkers degree from the best university with loads of lovely friends and a boyf who became her husband and best buddie. She lives in Honkers Konkers in her second home and she has a beautiful family who have the best sense of fun ever. No way is she a drip - she is the best type of fountain. So if you are needing a fountain go to our Laura - she is ace!

I am very lucky to have lots of fountains around me - my gorgeous friend Tilde said I was her sunshine and her rain - what an acolade - Tilde you are a waterfall to me. Going forward that's all that counts now - friendship and a bit of love - Done! Any drains with their own agenda to interupt my happy fountain outlook need not apply.

Thanks for tuning in - Something mad will happen soon I guarantee and then I will write about something other than drips, drains, fountains and waterfalls.

Stan x

Are you a fountain or drain?

There are two types of people in this world, a drain or a fountain! My friend Claire passed on this little spark of genius! which now I swear by. It is true! and by spreading the love hopefully this little insight may help you. Here are the two types broken down...

A Fountain - Is a person who is a breath of fresh air to be with, you always want to be around a fountain and you never tire of them. They compliment you, boost your confidence, support your decisions - right or wrong, care for you, constantly giving - emotionally, physically etc., share with you and generally bring you happiness, whereas

A Drain - Is a person who zaps your energy with their negativity, never helps, always causes a fuss, upsets the chicken coop, never gives, always needs your help, never takes responsibility for their own happiness relies on other people to deliver this to them. Could go on but don't want to and think you've probably got the picture by now.

To be a fountain you have to work at it but being positive and being around other fountains brings you alot of happiness - its bloody lovely. Find your fountains and drop off your drains one by one and you will soon have a happier life. I realise that not everyone can be a fountain but if you live your life by example - like attracts like. You might even convert a few drains.

Good luck finding you fountains and good for you if you have them already.

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan x

P.s. THANK YOU MY FOUNTAINS - You know who you are xxxx

The common cold!........ it's a fooking nightmare! x

See this image - a hottie with a cold! NOOOOOOOOOOO! There is no glamour in the common cold. I sneezed today and I swear to god my entire nose erupted onto my chest and not in a good way! I am less than three months into my new job and this could be seen as a sackable offence.

The cold has set in and it is here to stay for the foreseeable. Yesterday was the grumpy tired day. Today was the tired day & less grumpy day and all I have managed to do is make dinner and drink wine since I got home this evening - it is medicinal and I have a cold not man flu! ha ha! you boys know how you milk an illness. I don't mean to piss on your strawberries boys but I am here on my own and I have no one to moan to personally so I am just sending my grumpiness out to the universe, hoping that the universe will get tired of me and either send me Tom Hanks with some daisies as in the film"You've got Mail" or George Clooney with a gold fish as the film "One fine Day" - neither will make me better but I'm not fussy - universe send me either they will do.

I am a bit away with the fairies tonight - don't go there! I know you all think I am away with the planets most of the time but this cold has adled my brain cells - not even going to attempt to correct spelling mistakes tonight. Sorry! It's time's like this that you wish your mum was here so that she could bring you wine - oops medicine and then you could put your feet under her bum to keep warm - weird but warm - let's face it. It's times like this that you wish it was a Saturday tomorrow so you didn't have to haul your poorly carcass out of bed and try to fluff your way through work with a half snot - half functioning brain. It's also time like this that you wish you had a significant other who would just say to you, poor you, do you want another lemsip, do you want a cuddle, do you want me to run you a bath - do you know what I don't care that I might catch your cold - just want to kiss you better! Oh! it's naff being a distant relative of Bridget Jones! Just waiting for the alastian to come and eat me! Only joking - off to bed now to mend my poorly body! Let's hope for your sake I get better soon - boring myself here with this pathetic drivel.

Love you all for tuning in - thank you, feeling better already!

Top tips for curing the common cold - send on a postcard and I will forward to Squibb immediately and see you in a caribbean island near you soon.

Stan x

A Broken Lady! x

I have had one of the best weekends in my life with my mum, sister, niece Erica and Nephew Archie. However, the whole weekend has broken me, emotionally, physically and mentally.

It has been none stop. 6am ish starts, if you know me - not a good look at all. Full on breakfasts, playing in garden by 7 am ish, Visiting friends, tourist attractions, shopping for yet more shoes for Erica( girl after my own heart), parks, beer gardens that substitute as parks - bonus!, more cooking than you can shake a stick at, tantrums, cuddles, banter, wine, wine and even more wine, cake and last but not least the dreaded cold and sore throat that has now left me a broken woman on a sofa.

I am completely shattered! The cold has set in - I have a husky voice(the only bonus to this whole event), heavy eyes, razor blades in the throat, a hot streaming runny nose, emotional wreck and the occassional sneeze - not even enjoying them - normally enjoy a sneeze! Too much information.

These kids have destroyed me, Erica has cracked me up with her continuous comedy delivery which I have been streaming live all weekend on Facebook. Then when she caught me crying, because I am tired, grumpy, minus a personality and not well alright! I told her it was because she would be going home later and she said - "I know Aunty Sarah, but I didn't cry when my daddy went back to Hong Kong, I wanted to but I didn't". Broken! by a four year old who has out performed me in the farewell stakes - bloody brilliant. She has truly broken my heart this weekend because she is a real joy to be around and I am going to miss her. I am upset with myself for being ill & grumpy on their last day here with me and yet I am not grumpy with the culprits who have dribbled and snot boxed on me all weekend. It's probably made me love them even more - it doesn't even bother me that Archie even took the kids to the pool on my decking in the garden - cheeky chimp!

From this weekend I will miss Archie's beep beep beeping as we reversed the car, Erica's stroppy tantrums (not) for yet another pair of shoes (10th and counting), Laura's constant flow of banter, Mum's cuddles with the kids and little quiet moments with them on the sofa, Archie's outburst's of the words, boobie's, ratbag and newly introduced Chopper (yes - refering to his willy), Erica's sincerity - however hurtful "aunty sarah - your singing is boring - my guilty pleasure in this world by the way Erica! and the countless toys that littered my designer pad! You have all destroyed my perfect little world of me and my bachelorette pad. I was very happy on my own, then you lot made it happier and now you have buggered off and left me - well screw you! Only joking! Come back whenever you want - to take away, my health, wealth, tidiness, sleep and heart, you have all been brilliant this weekend and although broken, I am fixed in the love department, banked this weekend in the bank of notes to self - I am truly blessed. I have another niece and nephew too who equally crack me up - must get a love fix with them soon.

Thanks for tuning in to what has probably been one of the most emotional blogs of late! Who breaks you but fixes you at the same time? Discuss?

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan xx

From London to Shaky Wakey! And the differences are....

The differences are......... the plebes of the community in shakey wakey have the audicity to say out loud! "what's she come as?" while I was clearly in ear shot. The muppets looked like special needs casualties who were critisizing my flirty floral dress and tan boots and get out of bed hair. This particular fashion guru was no Gok Whan he was more a Jeremy Kyle reject off a council estate who was wearing a tracksuit I think - I couldn't be arsed to have a look. I don't want to sound like a snobby bore but I dealt with this shit when I was a frustrated child living on a council estate, thinking I had just jumped out of a vogue edition, I loved mixing it up. However, today I wasn't particularly out there in the fashion stakes so just don't get how small minded to clothes some buggers are. Hilarious, got straight on the phone to bessies to laugh about my rude encounter and make good on something that used to upset me. What was bizarre, was my attire got picked up on and yet the local lesbians smooching in the queue while waiting to pay, gets zero attention! How random is that?

I have spent a few weekends away and this weekend I spent my time with one of my northern bessies, Rox at my gorgeous home. We had a lot of fun until, Amy Winehouse decided to leave the building and we had to break the mood by going to the local pub. We further tasted the shakey wakey experience by mixing with the locals - playing mixed doubles in a game of pool. This was amiusing until the control freak little man syndrome boy who I had buddied up with, found it completely out of order of me to have lost our second game. I really felt the cold breeze, the bugger never spoke to me after that, I think he could barely look at me, my actions had offended him so much. To relieve the tension Rox went to the bar, only to come back unsatisfied as her favourite drink, Sambuca was not on offer. Her request was greeted with this "this is not one of those posh pubs, love!", you cannot imagine her surprise. In our quest to satisfy our need to find a drink other than wine, we sent a message out to facebook asking our friends for alternatives. One bright spark asked for a Jaaeger bomb to which my hysterical friend replied - she feared we would be evacuated from the building if we requested such a drink. Locals told us that Horbury is the place to be and you can even get "sex on the beach" (the drink) there. Next stop Leeds, Leeds, Leeds for a birthday weekend celebration. Muchos funos! to be had.

Thanks for tuning in. Sorry been a gap in the communicado - my mum's dog broke my lead for the laptop and I gave my other lead to my work colleague. Found one - and now boring myself so going to wind this up now...... sorry!

S x

Back to work............ x

My new job starts tomorrow and I am suitably, nervous, excited, happy and all at the same time gutted that my gardening leave is over. I have done all the things that you do when you go back to school, backed my bag, organised my outfit and put some tuck for the train journey in my bag.

Yes, you heard right - train. Not buzzing up the motorway to the sounds of Chris Moyles on a Monday morning. No! I moved to Leeds to escape London Town only to be sent there on my first two days! Ha ha! Twist of fate. Maybe I am meant to be in London, even staying at my previous bosses house - she is one of my bessies. I am happy to be going there really, should be fun.

Was looking forward to getting into some sort of routine but there is no chance this week. Having a fun day on the third day at the Yorkshire Sculpture Park (Random), in the office on the fourth day and then off on holiday on the fifth day. For a first week in a new job I am looking forward to this! The holiday was booked before the gardening leave, not the biggest piss taker in the world, just unlucky really! ooops x

Will keep you informed.... thanks for tuning in.

Stan

Stanners blunder!

Getting excited as a little holiday I have got planned is coming up next weekend and I received my confirmation of my flight today. Only to find out that I am booked on the wrong flight from everyone else, so I am the only soft one who is arriving at Heathrow at 5am for a 7am flight & every bugger else is on the later much more reasonable flight at 10am. My friend called me a dufus today which made me laugh because I hadn't heard that word since watching 'something about mary' & sad because I think there is a degree of truth in her observation.

I constantly surprise myself when I think I am all organised, sometimes I am! honestly, it frightens the fook out of me. I thought to myself - brilliant I have booked my flight, it was so long ago I was starting to wonder whether I had done it or not. On confirmation, I thought to myself now I can liaise with the girlies on how we are getting to Heathrow etc, only to find that I am booked on the earlier flight on my own....... genius.

I am now panicking because I am sure I said I could get us a tent as we are all camping and I haven't done that either. Oops! Oh! never mind I am going to win the euro millions lottery tonight so we can all stay in a luxury hotel instead.

In case I don't win and the chances of that happening are slim - I can feel the winning streak in my bones, if anyone has a three or four man tent - the extra space would be good for a wardrobe space..... I would love to borrow it. I would take great care of it too.

Many thanks for tuning in and wish me luck for the lottery and actually getting away at all next weekend.

Stan xx

Every Cloud and all that! x

Driving home today I saw an amazing cloud formation - not as good as the image of the horse but it did have a silver lining. It reminded me how lucky I am. I need to be reminded all the time because I punish myself by working too hard to achieve the things I want in my life and once I have them I am too busy striving for the next thing instead of enjoying what I have just accomplished. I also get bogged down with little worries about unnecessary things, that in the grand scheme of things mean nothing. I know I am a big divvy - you wouldn't think I got a first in my degree....... first in being my own worst enermy!

My silver lining came to me today in the guise of my realisation that although I am skintos through all the expense of moving and buying cars, I have a clean bill of health and although I get lonely sometimes I know that I am in the perfect position to meet someone now and be happy so it is only time. Also, want to be at Glastonbury having a great time but know I will get my festival time at Bestival and hopefully the weather will be better, no guarantees there but muchos funos in the wellies.

I spoke to a gorgeous friend of mine yesterday and I was panicking about paying out all sorts of bills. She simply realigned my priorities when she told me what was going on in her life. We really take the things we have for granted, don't we?!

Tomorrow, I am going to be grateful for all the things I have got and I am going to smile all day because I am bloody lucky! Just needed to share that with you. Going to say a little prayer now for my friend that her silver lining will come to her one day soon after her poorly time. What's your silver lining - discuss.................

Thanks for tuning in.

Stan x

Awkward Silence

If you know me - you will know I don't really stumble with making conversation but for some reason I am having trouble when I go to the gym. I don't think I know what to say to people half dressed, that might be key!

I have made one new friend he is a tubby old short guy who will chat the hind leg off a donkey - don't know why we use that saying, answers on a postcard please if you know. Today, he was telling me about sending his son out into the field to shot a sheep that had a ciest, as if that wasn't gruesome enough, he then told his son to take a knife with him. This was to cut it's belly open to see if it had been carrying a lamb - I'm not shitting you, this was the topic of conversation in my steam room! I couldn't make this shit up i t was bizarre. Anyway, the sheep was carrying a lamb so there was a happy ending to his tale.

Am I better off not talking to the people in my gym. They all seem really nice and this guy is really lovely but his topic of conversation is so far removed from the usual which is great but a bit abstract. It's definately making me more aware that I now live up north. He has been nursing this lamb and his dog has fostered it. His other topic of conversation is that he is bloody loaded and he made his money in scrap! He is harmless, really funny and assures me he could show me a good night out in Leeds but and call me shallow....... not attractive, even if he is loaded.

Anyway, once I am left alone in the steam room and new people come in, I find I cannot talk to them unless they initiate it. I can't do uncomfortable silences either. I love the steam room though even if it does prove to be difficult for me. At least they can't see how red my face is in there, so no - one talks about that. I bet they do talk about my redness though when I come out of the steam room with a beetroot coloured face ha ha! I think I have issues with my gym - wonder if it is because I am not used to being this good to myself and chilling out or is it that I have issues with silence. Think I have just been on my own for too long now...... need some banter but think I would like to choice a nicer subject other than killing poorly animals and cutting unborn ones out of its poor unfortunate belly - sorry to share this with you, feel it is only fair! What would you do in my situation, discuss!

Thanks for tuning in

Stan xx